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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec
Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?
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Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?
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This really isn't a problem, but I am just looking for some unbiased opinions about a bridal party issue. I've already made my decision about the issue, but I want to hear what you all think. I just g
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Bridal Party
Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?
<font color="#ffffff">From bridal dresses to groomsman dilemmas, get and give style advice here.</font>
This really isn't a problem, but I am just looking for some unbiased opinions about a bridal party issue. I've already made my decision about the issue, but I want to hear what you all think. I just g
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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Bridal Party > Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

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Forums  >  General Wedding Planning Topics  >  Bridal Party  >  Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 10/9/2009 12:30 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
09-18-2009
WEST COAST FLORIDA
8133888583954868
Posts: 2
First: 10/9/2009

Last: 10/26/2009


 This really isn't a problem, but I am just looking for some unbiased opinions about a bridal party issue. I've already made my decision about the issue, but I want to hear what you all think.
I just got engaged about a month ago, and I have started my own little wedding scrapbook/planner. At my engagement party a friend of mine was look through it and saw she was not listed as a bridesmaide. I am in her wedding, which may or may not be happening in Feb of 2010 (she has done absolutley no planning, basically she has a dress and us maides paid for our dresses but no place, no ceremony planned, no reception hall booked, nothing... but whatever not my deal or wedding, an $80 dress isn't going to break me) ANYWAYS...she told my other best friend (who is in the wedding) how upset she is that she isn't in mind, mainly because one girl is in the wedding, and this particular girl and I have hit a rough patch in our friendship. (FYI I am the oldest of all my friends, I am 25, they are like 20/21, and we all fight like sisters.) So my upset girlfriend is shocked that my friend who I am fighting with (sort of) is in the wedding and she isnt. Now you all might be saying "well you are in hers, what gives?!" Yeah, I was a benchwarmer. I wasn't in the wedding until she kicked someone out of the wedding party and had to fill the spot, but she REALLY REALLY wanted me but just couldn't fit me in. I personally didn't care, you want me in it great I am honored, you dont, then thats a dress I don't have to buy etc...
And the girl who is in my wedding that she is shocked by, I LIVED WITH HER!!! we were roomies.
BUt I have asked advice from my mother and other friends, and basically what it boils down to is, its is MY wedding, MY big day with my man, and I will do what I want! I am definitley not going to ask her now. I know, I kinda sound a little bridezilla-ish but seriously, yes a wedding is about making an awesome party for your friends and family to celebrate the love between you and your man, but I can't stand ppl want to dictate things, especially when they have NOTHING to do with it!! one of my aunts was telling me she didn't like the year (2011)  I picked, and that I needed to do it in 2010. I said, we picked 2011 because spring of 2010 is too soon for me to plan a nice wedding, she just kept saying she didn't like it, I told her she would be fine and handed the phone back to my mom. THE NERVE!!!
Anyways...I have a long time to decide on the little things, but I wanna get the reception booked after the 2009 holidays.  Well congrats to all and thanks for reading my rant.....hope Im not starting this thing off on the wrong foot....I just keep thinking, its about me and him and our love and cakes and flowers and centerpieces don't matter, all that matters is me and him and that we want to be together forever. I don't want to get hung up on little details. despite the stress, I am TOTALLY stoked tho....


 
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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 10/9/2009 12:43 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
06-16-2009
LANSING
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Posts: 882
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Last: 11/20/2009


 Congratulations!

BTW: next time when you post it makes it much easier to read when you put an extra space between paragraphs. SmileI found out the hard way on that one too.

Anyway, whether or not you are in this girl's wedding, she has NO say in whether or not she is in yours. You are perfectly right for chosing who you want. If she is a little disappointed, that may be understandable, but for her to actually voice her concerns is very childish. Like a kid stomping their foot.

And I would certainly think that a true friend would not complain about the date that I have chosen. She sounds like a whiny, spoiled brat. (Wait, was that the aunt saying that? Ughh, sometimes family sucks, but you do have to live with them. Don't sweat it if it was the aunt.)

Don't stress out about this. If you want, you can tell her the same thing she told you (he he that's kinda mean though) that she can be in it if someone drops out. (Read the sarcasm :) )

Anyway, sounds like you have the right attitude with it all. It IS about you and your FH, and what you would like to happen. And the chosing of the date and attendants is YOUR choice, no one can make those for you.

Trust me, there will be areas where you will need to compromise coming up, but these are not some of them.

Hopefully said friend can still be a part of it all and get over the fact that she is not a bm. And if not, that is not acting like a true friend anyway.
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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 10/9/2009 12:44 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
03-16-2009
CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA
7754727993665800
Posts: 97
First: 5/27/2009

Last: 10/14/2009


 I have been reading a lot of these posts for months now and I am amazed at how people think that their friends are obligated to ask them to be in their weddings and how they get so upset when they are not asked.  Over that past three years I have gotten pretty close to my FSIL.  But I didn't ask her to be in my wedding.  I asked a friend of mine that has been with me for Lord knows how long.  I can't remember a time without her.

As for your Aunt not liking 2011, does she know something we don't?!  Tell her you were thinking of getting married on November 11, 2011 so that your husband will remember the date!  It's a friday by the way!!
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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 10/9/2009 12:53 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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ST. LOUIS
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Last: 11/22/2009


 Although you will have a lot of compromising coming up you'll never please everyone, don't even try.

Who you choose as your bridal party is completely up to you.

I was in my brothers wedding but neither he nor my SIL were in ours.  We did have my two nieces so the family was represented!
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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 10/31/2009 12:52 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
04-21-2009
PHILADELPHIA
9734759326777084
Posts: 2
First: 10/31/2009

Last: 10/31/2009


 I am in the same situation. I was best friends with a girl last year. She was always staying over (like every night) and NEVER gave us any money towards rent or food or anything really. My fiance told her that she couldn't stay over anymore (and I agreed). Since then, I have only seen her like 2 times in the last year. I make an effort to be her friend. I call her, text her, and try to make plans with her, but I'm her last priority. Anyway, I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid in the wedding and she got really upset. Me, being the nice person I am, asked her to be in the wedding because I don't want to be mean. Well, its been about 2 months and she hasn't given me an answer yet. To be very honest, I don't want her in my wedding. She completely blew me off on my birthday and when I sent her an email telling her I need her answer, I get no response from her.

You should do what you want with your wedding. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for not asking them, even if you are in their wedding. It's your day and you should do whatever makes you happy. If it were me, I would be glad I don't have to spend the money for a dress. I like being a guest at a wedding better than being in the wedding party. Good luck with the wedding planning and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 11/2/2009 10:15 AM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
06-20-2006
BOSTON
35626637508267
Posts: 713
First: 5/14/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

Try to remember that everyone thinks differently. 

When people have expectations (i.e. they are going to be asked to be a bridesmaid) and it doesn't happen, they become embarrassed and hurt, which they turn into anger or other unpleasantness.

Example:
some people think:  all sisters are in the bridal party, no friends.
other people think:  ask whoever you want
some people think:  if you're in someone's wedding, they have to be in  yours.
other people think:  so not true
some:  must ask Fiance's sisters to be your bridesmaids
others:  only if you want to

What a kind person does is anticipate who might think they would be asked to be in the wedding and gently let them know that it's not true.  Doesn't have to be a big production or even a one-on-one serious discussion.  Just a heads up so they don't get disappointed.

Manage people's expectations and you will be able to do whatever you want without hurting anyone.  Sort of! 

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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 11/3/2009 5:00 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
02-09-2008
LOS ANGELES
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Last: 11/9/2009


 Hello! and congratulations on your engagement! First of all, I would never normally respond to a blog like yours, but since I feel like I can relate to your difficult situation, I need to warn you that if this girl is already causing problems before your wedding and planning, do not include her in the bridal party. Unfortunately an old ex-friend of mine are no longer friends because of a situation similar to yours. It was very hard to overpower her aggressiveness in dictating what I should do and how the other bridesmaids should spend their money. I really couldn't quite believe it but she pretty much ruined it for me and my memories. Because she never had an opportunity to have a wedding of her own, it was hard for her to see someone else happy. I was being given the wedding of my dreams. I suggest that you tell your friend bluntly, that if you two aren't agreeing now with your decsions as the bride, in order to save the friendship, being in the wedding party isn't the best option for the two of you. Hope this helps....Best wishes!

pingaling...

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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 11/4/2009 12:25 AM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
09-28-2009
MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL
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Posts: 69
First: 10/12/2009

Last: 11/19/2009


 I agree with just about everything that people have said so far.  Don't worry about if you're in her wedding, and she isn't in yours.  I've never been a bridesmaid, though in some cases the rest of the wedding party said I should be.

In one case, one of my closest friends is a guy, and he wanted me to be a bridesmaid.  In another, one of my other closest friends had her sister, SIL, and college roommate.  In both cases, I didn't sweat it, and I got to sing instead!

So, even if there is someone who is close enough to you to be in the wedding party, but there just aren't enough spaces, chances are, there is somewhere else they can help.  In those two cases, my guy friend is a groomsman (he's close with my FH too), and one of my ladies is singing for mine! 

It's all about balance - find what you want, and try to work with what you have.  Is there someting this friend is particularly talented with?  Maybe she could help out somehow using her natural talents.

But in the end, it's all about you.  It's your pictures you'll be looking at several years down the road,  It's your investment, not just in the big day, but in your life!  Make it happen, but make sure you don't lose sight of it being your day.
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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 11/4/2009 3:32 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
06-02-2006
AUSTIN
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First: 8/19/2009

Last: 11/4/2009


 I pulled name for my BM's... I had to.  I am close to many of my sorority sisters, not to mention the friends I've had over the years.  It was hard for me, but it had to be done....LOL  Those who are not BMs, they are hostesses.
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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 11/4/2009 3:42 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
05-13-2009
CONNECTICUT
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Posts: 15
First: 5/13/2009

Last: 11/4/2009


 If you were just a 'filler' bridesmaid, then I don't think she should expect to be in your wedding.
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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 11/7/2009 8:50 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
01-18-2009
DC AREA
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Posts: 45
First: 8/12/2009

Last: 11/21/2009


 In Response to Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?:
I pulled name for my BM's... I had to.  I am close to many of my sorority sisters, not to mention the friends I've had over the years.  It was hard for me, but it had to be done....LOL  Those who are not BMs, they are hostesses.
Posted by Havenplant



I have never heard of hostess at a wedding.  What does a "hostess" do?
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Re: Friend is angry....whose wedding is it anyway?

posted at 11/10/2009 3:00 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
10-15-2009
MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL
6522912210535662
Posts: 4
First: 11/10/2009

Last: 11/19/2009

I am in the same boat… my college roommate, is not in my wedding.  She and her husband introduced me and my husband-to-be.  I have not seen her in almost a year (we only live 1 ½ hours away by car), not by my choice.  I am having a small wedding party and had to cut friends that I really want in my wedding party.  There is definitely not room for someone I haven’t seen (or talked to) in almost a year.  My husband to be, decided to have her husband as a groomsman, as the two of them talk on a pretty regular basis.  She is so upset that she is not in my wedding party that she is now pressuring her husband to drop out of the wedding. 

I have decided there is nothing I can do, this is my wedding and I picked who I wanted to for reasons she doesn’t have to know.  I am not going to cut someone I really want to be in the wedding just to accommodate her.  I do hope, for my husband-to-be’s sake, that her husband does not drop out. 

As for the argument “I was in her wedding so she should be in mine”, I have been a MOH or bridesmaid in 5 weddings.  I am only having three attendants and I have only been in one of their weddings (my sister – the other’s are not married – And I will not be offended if they don’t pick me). 


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