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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec

The maid of honor

Bridal Party

The maid of honor

<font color="#ffffff">From bridal dresses to groomsman dilemmas, get and give style advice here.</font>

My little sister is my maid of honor and  has  not helped me with anything. She got married Nov. 2008 and I was there from day 1 every day all day, some days I didn't even want to be, but I

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Bridal Party

The maid of honor

<font color="#ffffff">From bridal dresses to groomsman dilemmas, get and give style advice here.</font>

My little sister is my maid of honor and  has  not helped me with anything. She got married Nov. 2008 and I was there from day 1 every day all day, some days I didn't even want to be, but I

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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Bridal Party > The maid of honor

The maid of honor

posted at 11/6/2009 2:02 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

nharris314

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Posts: 8

First: 11/6/2009

Last: 11/7/2009

My little sister is my maid of honor and has not helped me with anything. She got married Nov. 2008 and I was there from day 1 every day all day, some days I didn't even want to be, but I was happy for her so I went. Now that the tables are turned I can't get her to do any thing. I asked her to go look at dresses with me and she's always to busy so I went with my aunt. It like every time I ask her to do something she's always busy and all ways has something to say about what I'm buying and how much I'm spending. So I got feed up with her and her attitude about things and asked her what the problem was and she tells me if you don't want me in the wedding let me know and i will go get my money back from dress. What should I do, cause at this point I'm ready to kick her out.

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Re: The maid of honor from hell

posted at 11/6/2009 2:13 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Katiejo30

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Last: 11/11/2009

It seems like maybe something is going on in her life that she isn't sharing, maybe to not upset you. I would suggest talking with her again, and just let her know you love her. I would also tell her that it would mean alot to you to have her standing there with you on the most important day of your life, but you completley understand if she is not able to.

It was very sweet and kind of you to be there for her as much as you were when she got married. Just remember too that your priorities are not hers, and she may not understand why you are so upset.

In the end she is your sister and always will be.

Good luck!

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Re: The maid of honor from hell

posted at 11/6/2009 2:19 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Ariel81916

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Hmm... from hell seems a bit harsh.

She bought her dress. That's her only requirement.

She's your little sister and little sisters are masters of accepting help without feeling an obligation to return it (or, at least, my sisters are). If you can't handle that and would prefer to have an indentured servant, kick her out. But you'll have to live with that decision (and the potential ramifications) for the rest of your lives.

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Re: The maid of honor from hell

posted at 11/6/2009 2:23 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

nharris314

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Thanks I said I was going to try and talk to her again before I made any decisions

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/6/2009 2:46 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

nharris314

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Last: 11/7/2009

Yeah from hell is a good term, there are other things to just didn't want to make post full page. With her it's like if it's not about her she is not concerned. I've seen her that way with other people, just not me, we have always been really close and have done everything together. It's just that now since I'm planning my wedding she's become this other person, we barley talk are see each other. I see her husband and my nephew all the time, but she won't even come over with them.

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/6/2009 2:54 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Ariel81916

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That makes it seem a little more appropriate - and seems to suggest that there is something else going on with her.

It's possible -- just throwing this out there -- that she's having some post-wedding blues and the idea of helping you plan yours makes her green with envy. It's not rational by any means, but she's upset because she doesn't get to have another day in the sun. She doesn't want to admit this to you, because you've always been close and secretly she knows she's being ridiculous.

Or it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Maybe her marriage is falling apart at the seams and she's putting on a happy face for everyone else. Maybe she just doesn't have the money. It could be anything.

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/6/2009 3:08 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

nharris314

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I guess but she has always been able to talk to me about anything and now it's like we are strangers. And she knows if its money it's not and issue I will help her, I just don't know. But this feels good to be able to vent on this site because i know my fiance and brother-in-law are tired of hearing about it. They don't know what the problem is either. And I took from hell off .

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/6/2009 3:33 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

cripkitty

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k, I'm in a similar situation...except in the reverse. I'm the little sister.

My sister, albeit a wonderful human being and one of my MOH has been bending over backwards for this wedding and while I think it's wonderful...

...it's a bit overboard for me. Both her and my mom, although only trying to help are pushing their opinions and options and feelings onto the situation and it's making it difficult to get my own opinion into the situation. Her and I are sisters and always will be, and I'm grateful to her for all the help that she's offered, but it has been very very stressful. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I want her to back off.

What I did with his sis who was acting in a very similar fashion to what you give the impression your sis is doing is I said, "Okay, here's the deal. You're expected at the shower, bachlorette party, and the reception. I think if you leave early it will break my heart, and yes it will be noticed. If you've now decided you can't handle it. That's cool, just tell me now. I'd rather know now when I have the opportunity to replace you, and my feelings won't be hurt than later when you screw me over and my feelings are crushed."

It took me a long time to say that. I'm not normally the type to be almost mean, but it hurt that she was talking about it behind my back and not just coming to me. So, think about talking to her. Perhaps giving her an out. If she's bought her dress already, that's a sign in the right direction. Perhaps she just doesn't know how to deal with it because she's already married and doesn't know how to be on the other side?

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/6/2009 3:55 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

nharris314

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I tried talking to her and plan to give it one more shot. And I already to her if she did not want to be in the wedding anymore to let me know now and it won't hurt my feelings as much as it would when the wedding hets closer.

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/6/2009 11:15 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Gennell

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IMO by her telling you that she woudl get her money back is kinda saying she doesn't want to be in it. I"m just reading between the lines though.

You know your sister best, talk to her... have it out if you have to :)

My MOH was biznatchin about how much I was spending on my stuff too. I told her I was tired of her negativity and that I needed her and my mom to be my number one cheerleaders and support me on stuff. She would go as far to ask how much the venue was and how much this and that was, like it was any of her business and then have the audacity to make negative comments about it. But ever since we talked things have been ok. And now I've added a second MOH to the mix mainly for my sake :) ... but financially for hers as well. MOH2 is just more supportive and open minded

"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale."
~October 16, 2010~

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/7/2009 12:07 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

WhatawagSBNy

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Take nharris's little sister and cripkitty's older sister, put them in a blender, and split the result into 2 MOH who each take a reasonable but not pushy or controlling interest in the wedding.

Don't you wish simple solutions were possible to make nicer experiences all around? It is the struggle that wears you down sometimes.

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/7/2009 12:13 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

WhatawagSBNy

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Gennell -"My MOH was biznatchin about how much I was spending on my stuff too."

biznatchin - Love the word!

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/7/2009 12:20 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

Gennell

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lol i knew it would make me censor it so i just said what came to mind :)

"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairytale."
~October 16, 2010~

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Re: The maid of honor

posted at 11/7/2009 10:25 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

nharris314

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Gennell, I already have to MOH so everything isn't all on her. But you have some good points. And WhatawagSBN I wish it was that simple

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The maid of honor

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