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Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
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Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
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My fiance and I are both atheists, but wish to be respectful of our families' spirituality. Does anyone know if it is possible to have a priest come to the ceremony, and give us some sort of blessing,
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Ceremonies and Wedding Vows
Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
<font color="#ffffff">From programs to processionals, chat with other brides about your ceremony inspirations.</font>
My fiance and I are both atheists, but wish to be respectful of our families' spirituality. Does anyone know if it is possible to have a priest come to the ceremony, and give us some sort of blessing,
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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:8758d21e-1ae0-4784-8255-0e111a953edf
Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:8758d21e-1ae0-4784-8255-0e111a953edfDiscussion:43fece88-05b6-4796-a7aa-8d1cec33432c
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Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/11/2009 8:51 PM CDT
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My fiance and I are both atheists, but wish to be respectful of our families' spirituality. Does anyone know if it is possible to have a priest come to the ceremony, and give us some sort of blessing, without officiating?
A few more details:
We want our vows to be God-free. And we aren't interested in being seen as "legal" within the church or convalidated or anything like that. We just want some token inclusion and nod to my Catholic upbringing.
We haven't chosen an officiant yet, but we may select a friend of the groom's family who is a Christian minister, but just because he is a super nice guy, not because of the religious bit. But I'm afraid if my dad sees a minister, and not also a priest, he would be really hurt.
I understand that we should do what makes us happy, but we truely do not want to exclude the beliefs of our family, and are looking for a compromise.
Any suggestions? I haven't been to church in a very long time, so I'm not up on what is even possible. Thank you!
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/11/2009 8:56 PM CDT
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I should also mention that our families know we are non-believers. That's not news. :)
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/11/2009 9:47 PM CDT
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I understand where you are coming from as neither myself or my fiance believe in god and are trying to keep the god out of our ceremony as much as possible as well. However, I think you are probably going to have a difficult time in finding anybody dealing with god to bless your union if you yourself do not believe in god. Faith is a pretty big thing with them and if you don't conform and follow what they think then they usually will not take part in something such as this. Not saying its impossible because it might not be.
Also, you really should do what you want to do and not what makes your family happy especially dealing with the church/god/faith stuff. I try to explain to both of our families who won't get it out of their heads about churches, that having 2 people get married in a church, 2 people who do not believe in god, that is basically like an abomination and something they should really be against and not stand for but they don't care, just as long as I do it in a church because its the way to do it and its traditional. Nice argument, I know. Shows exactly how much their god and faith means to them.
Good luck!
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/12/2009 7:30 AM CDT
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I would be highly surprised if you can find a Catholic priest who would be willing to bless a non-religious ceremony. Your best bet is probably to have a non-denominational minister say some type of Christian prayer/blessing. Honestly, your parents must know you're atheists, so I suspect they would be pleased that you included any type of blessing in your ceremony.
Good luck! :)
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/12/2009 11:10 AM CDT
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I would think any clergyman, minister or priest, would find it offensive to be asked to attend and participate when you clearly feel, we do dot believe a word of your religious marriage sacrament, but want you to come say the mumbo jumbo to please our parents.
What would the purpose be of a Protestant and a Catholic ritual prayer, when your statement of disbelief makes a mockery of their true religious sentiment?
To say, we are equal opportunity folks, we like to be equally offensive to both types of religion?
I do not believe in the tenets of either faith, but feel that others should respect the fact that these people do have a sincere belief in their faith and prayer. I would think it would be more respectful of the parents to honestly say that since you do not believe in the prayers, you will not be inviting clergy to say them.
If they wish, the parents may see their own priest or minister, outside of the marriage ceremony, to offer up their prayers for your union, without your involvement.
That would be a way of accommodating their beliefs, and being respectful of their faith and clergy.
I think their respective denominations would take the position that they not participate in the ceremony.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/12/2009 11:45 AM CDT
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I think the word "mockery" is a little strong, as is "mumbo jumbo."
I am certainly prepared to have no religion in my wedding. And my parents have said that I need to do what I need to do. My sister had no religion in her ceremony, and my mother is also non-religious, actually. But my father, upon being told of the engagement, made a tearful plea for some Catholic involvement. I am just trying to see if a little bit of inclusion is possible, because I love my father.
I put it to the boards to see if anyone had any similar situation, or if anyone knew of anything that could fit the bill. My hopes are not high. But I also do NOT want to offend a priest by asking them for involvement if it's not possible, which is also why I wanted to ask other brides first.
Thank you everyone.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/12/2009 12:45 PM CDT
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In Response to Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?:
I think the word "mockery" is a little strong, as is "mumbo jumbo." ...
But I also do NOT want to offend a priest by asking them for involvement if it's not possible, which is also why I wanted to ask other brides first. Thank you everyone.
Posted by leenacia
One dictionary definition of mumbo jumbo is: religious beliefs, language, or rituals that appear pointless or meaningless to the speaker.
I did not say it to be offensive, only to mean that when you ask that a prayer be said, while saying clearly that you do not believe in the underlying religious message, it is like saying, please come and say to us words we find meaningless.
The RC Church holds certain beliefs, and makes it clear in Pre-Cana counseling that under no circumstances should priests participate in a ceremony where the celebrants, the bride and groom, do not hold to the idea that these are sacred beliefs, the message directly from God.
That others present (family, guests) may believe does not matter if the celebrants themselves do not believe in the Christian message.
This would be the grounds for a priest to find it objectionable to be asked, under your circumstances. If you, or a priest, explained to Dad that his wish for a Catholic presence at the ceremony itself would be wrong in the eyes of the Church, he might be more accepting.
My DH parents are Catholic, and their priest offered to pray with them, separately at their church, in a way that they found supportive, a healing thing for them which made our union, and having children in the future, more acceptable in their eyes.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/12/2009 1:22 PM CDT
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:) Thank you, I think that will be my solution as well. I just wanted to try. It makes me sad that I can't do more, but, I can totally respect the church's rules.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/13/2009 11:23 AM CDT
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As a fellow atheist, I'd encourage you to skip this.
I was also raised Catholic, but I've been a pro-choice atheist since the 7th grade. I made a mockery of confirmation when I was 15 by submitting a treatise on my atheism to the bishop when we were asked to write an essay justifying why we should be confirmed. The dopes confirmed me anyways, and I had a protestant sponsor for good measure.
That was the last time I compromised my atheism to please my family. I don't even know why it pleased them. It's not like it meant anything for all the respect I paid the process.
Anyways, my point, before I ramble too far away. This is an important opportunity for you to show that your life remains meaningful without religion or spirituality. Having a priest bless your union lends the appearance that you thought something was missing. It's like a vegetarian eating meat substitute.
Atheists are the most persecuted "religious" denomination in the country. Each one of us has a duty to show the people around us that a life without gods is as valid as one with and that we have nothing to feel guilty about.
Have a purely secular ceremony with your head held high. Leave the gods out of it.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/13/2009 12:42 PM CDT
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Leenacia, I understand your dilemma, sort of. We are not religious either. We do both believe in God but don't attend any formal services.
While my husband was raised in the Christian community my family was mixed and my parents decided to raise us in the Jewish community so I was not brought up believing in Jesus.
As an adult I have problems with basically all organized religion and since my husband isn't religious we knew we wanted a spiritual ceremony without a lot of reference to Jesus in it. We found a minister who did what we asked. There was probably a little more reference to Jesus then I wanted but that's OK.
I know my family was probably disappointed that we didn't have a Jewish ceremony but it's not what I wanted. We had a string quartet so I chose some pieces of music that are "Jewish".
A few of my relatives wanted to say the prayers over the wine and bread and something else. I'm sure they weren't happy when I declined their offer.
We stayed true to who we are. Our families survived!!
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/13/2009 7:40 PM CDT
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IF you are athiests, why would you want to incorporate anything at all religious into your wedding?
I also suggest you skip it. Your families will have to accept the fact that you're having a non religious wedding....and stand by you in your decision.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/15/2009 8:40 AM CDT
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Oh, they've already accepted it. I'm 33 and have been doing the atheist thing since I was 18. Like I said before, it's not news to anyone.
But my view is, even at my wedding, the world does not revolve around me. I love my family, even the ones who believe in a God, watching sitcoms, not eating breakfast, and voting Republican. :D Whatever! I make my choices and other people make theirs. It's all good.
For me, a wedding is about family. We want kids there. We want the location to be accessible. And yes, we want our families to find it meaningful.
So when my father asked me to find a way to include Catholic involvement, he understood it was a long shot. I understood it was a long shot. But I wanted to try. I would only "compromise" so much, of course, but I don't think that wanting to be inclusive makes me a bad person who is being untrue to herself.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/15/2009 8:52 AM CDT
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I would only "compromise" so much, of course, but I don't think that wanting to be inclusive makes me a bad person who is being untrue to herself.
Leenacia, you sound like a nice, loving daughter. I'm sure your father appreciates the fact that you're making an effort to acknowledge his faith, rather than just dismissing it out of hand.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/15/2009 10:57 AM CDT
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leenacia, I encourage you to try www.rentapriest.com. Contact someone in your area and see what he thinks.
I am non-religious, my husband was raised Catholic but isn't a believer anymore. While we werent' interested in a church wedding, we did have our officiant offer a prayer, one of the readings was I Corinthians, which I love, and had a blessing before the meal. I felt strongly that to "leave God out of it" was disrespectful to his family and our many friends who are believers. I was very comfortable with what we did.
So I totally get where you're coming from, and I don't think you're being a hypocrite at all or even close!
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/15/2009 11:54 AM CDT
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Why would leaving god out of it be disrespectful to his family?
I wouldn't expect anyone else to pay my (un)beliefs any mind at their wedding, so why wouldn't I have that courtesy at my own wedding?
I just really resent the pressure this country puts on nonbelievers to feel guilty or that they're somehow less of a person for a lack of belief. Seeing fellow atheists pay lip service to religion at their own weddings makes me sad.
You do what you have to do, but I still see it as a missed opportunity to make a statement.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/15/2009 2:18 PM CDT
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Leenacia I'm so glad you're asking this!
I'm an atheist too, and I don't want any religious involvement in my wedding. But I think if it would make your dad happy, you could ask your dad f he has a trusted clergymen who might read something at the wedding. You could meet with the three of them to discuss. I'm sure there must be a passage that's more about commitment than religion.
Or, you could ask your Dad to read a passage that you both approve of.
Personally, I think the time to "make a statement" is when I was 17 and refused to go to church, not now that I'm 30, getting married, and everyone has accepted my (non) beliefs.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/15/2009 3:00 PM CDT
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good point, K. "disrespectful" was too strong. I guess it was more like, it didn't bother me and it made them happy.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/15/2009 3:43 PM CDT
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That's fair, then. I keep a bible as bathroom reading, so I guess I can see having a bit of bible read. There are some nice, fairly secular sentiments in there, though I enjoy reading the wacky bits in Numbers and Leviticus.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/16/2009 11:57 AM CDT
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Slap in the face. A devout religious person is not going to appreciate you going thru the motions to please them.
DH and I did a religious ceremony b/c it was important to DH. However we both refused to do communion b/c we were not part of that church. Even though I am baptised Lutheran I felt it would be a mockery of the communion for us to take it.
Our minister respected that.
Going thru the motions when you don't believe in them is insulting. These rituals have deep meaning to people and to do it even though you don't really care is wrong.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/16/2009 12:43 PM CDT
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The OP said that her father, "upon being told of the engagement, made a tearful plea for some Catholic involvement." It doesn't sound like he would consider hearing a blessing read at the ceremony a slap in the face.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/16/2009 1:25 PM CDT
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We just want some token inclusion and nod to my Catholic upbringing.
I like Cosmo's idea of using a Bible reading as part of your ceremony. It's a big book - I'm sure you can find something in there that suits you.
That way, your vows aren't religious, but your family will appreciate that it played some role.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/17/2009 8:37 AM CDT
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In Response to Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?:
I would think any clergyman, minister or priest, would find it offensive to be asked to attend and participate when you clearly feel, we do dot believe a word of your religious marriage sacrament, but want you to come say the mumbo jumbo to please our parents. What would the purpose be of a Protestant and a Catholic ritual prayer, when your statement of disbelief makes a mockery of their true religious sentiment? To say, we are equal opportunity folks, we like to be equally offensive to both types of religion? I do not believe in the tenets of either faith, but feel that others should respect the fact that these people do have a sincere belief in their faith and prayer. I would think it would be more respectful of the parents to honestly say that since you do not believe in the prayers, you will not be inviting clergy to say them. If they wish, the parents may see their own priest or minister, outside of the marriage ceremony, to offer up their prayers for your union, without your involvement. That would be a way of accommodating their beliefs, and being respectful of their faith and clergy. I think their respective denominations would take the position that they not participate in the ceremony.
Posted by WhatawagSBNy
As a Catholic, who is already legally married and now having my convalidation in the church because it is an important aspect of my religious beliefs, I agree with the above statement. I just don't understand the point if you don't believe and aren't practicing. And for a Priest to bless your union, which is not going to be a union under Christ.... I don't know... I just don't get it. And I don't know why your parents would want it since they know you aren't practicing Christians. It's just weird to me I guess.
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~I don't care what etiquette says, do what makes you happy~
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/21/2009 1:09 PM CDT
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I've been raised Catholic and have very strong Catholic families, but since I'm marrying a Presbyterian AFTER our daughter will be three, we're obviously not doing anything the traditional Catholic way. We baptized our daughter Catholic and will raise her in the Catholic faith, but our marriage is going to be done by a Presbyterian friend of the family. Why don't you have your parents stand up and lead a Catholic prayer? Hail Mary or Ave Maria is a very typical Catholic wedding staple, or any of their choosing. So maybe if they stand up and lead a prayer either before the ceremony begins or during the ceremony, that will fufill a little of your dad's desires. Or you could have your officiant (whoever it may be) invite your congregation to a moment of silent prayer, in which neither you or your groom needs to do anything in, but will give prayer a place. I'm with the others, it's going to be almost impossible to find a priest to do anything with your wedding.I'm a Catholic and with the type of wedding I've chosen has pretty much excluded any Catholic priest from participating. But your father (if he's grown up Catholic) will most likely expect that, seeing that it is a very strict religion to follow. Have him ask his priest what options there might be, if any, and see which ideas he might have.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/21/2009 1:16 PM CDT
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In Response to Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?:
It's like a vegetarian eating meat substitute.
Posted by Kraid
Hey now, I've been veggie for 21 of my 24 years and am pretty darn strict on it, but I love bringing my veggie burgers to a cookout so I'm not stuck eating nothing but salad. So don't mock my "meat substitute!" :-D I think the original post was more about making her family feel included and happy at her wedding, not compromising her beliefs.I don't think including a prayer or blessing for her dad's sake is the same thing as changing her beliefs for anyone. I think it's important for your family to respect your beliefs, but it's also important to respect theirs, and she sounds like she has enough respect that it's not bothersome to her to include something simple that will bring her dad so much pleasure. In the end, nobody's beliefs are being changed.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/21/2009 3:25 PM CDT
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Veggie burgers are okay, unless they look like hamburgers. If they look like meat, and taste like meat, that says a vegetarian diet is lacking, that it's a sacrifice rather than an alternative.
I mean, this is all rhetorical. There's not one among us who doesn't do something hypocritical. I have an extensive collection of Catholic icons, myself. Looking for that perfect Infant of Prague statuette and an old bathtub for my Mary statue.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/22/2009 9:39 PM CDT
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We just got married Saturday. My love was raised Catholic and is now an agnostic with atheist tendencies. His Dad and Step-mom are VERY catholic (they even sang for the pope!) I jokingly call myself an evengelical agnostic. I was raised Unitarian Universalist.
We had a Unitarian minister officiate at our wedding because (1) the state required some licensed officiant and (2) atheists & agnostics are welcome in Unitarian churches. (really, go to their website!)
We wrote our own service and asked his Dad to do a reading. We gave him a wide open field but asked that it not be too religious. So, his Dad got to read a bible verse and we got an otherwise secular ceremony. (It also had lots of silly parts and we decorated with toys.)
Basically, all of our parents are thrilled that we finally got married.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 9/25/2009 2:01 PM CDT
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Religion is such a touchy issue. Now I'm more of a religious person so take it for what it is. FYI, I didn't vote Republican....meanwhile, a Catholic priest at least in my experience would be more than happy to give you a blessing after the entire shindig has already concluded. That way he knows that you're looking for the blessing from the church but you're not interested in the actual "sacrament" of marriage. Also, if you want the actual sacrament, they want you to do pre-cana classes preparing you for marriage. So, take that in consideration when you decide.
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 10/2/2009 4:03 PM CDT
on weddingchannel.com
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Joined on
02-21-2009
ST. LOUIS 9713708123238201
Posts: 150
First: 10/1/2009
Last: 3/18/2010
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I too am atheist and that is why i chose a park ceremony. it is more earthy and to what i am about. But i can understand having family who wants to have something of their believes included. I have always celebrated religouse events (christmas, easter) with my family but did not believe it that way they did. I love my friends and family and celebrating our lives and love is enough for me to celebrate.
As to your situation, i would have your father do a reading you both approve of. Or if he would really like a priest there, then he should help you with something he thinks would be respectable to your father's wishes and YOU.
good luck and many blessings :)
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Mrs. in 2010 :)
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Re: Catholic blessings for, uh, atheists?
posted at 10/6/2009 9:53 PM CDT
on weddingchannel.com
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Joined on
09-26-2009 5359895995779793
Posts: 16
First: 9/29/2009
Last: 10/22/2009
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Ask your father to say a few words at the ceremony, and encourage him to do a short prayer of his choice.
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