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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec

Future MIL is loosing her mind....

DIY Brides

Future MIL is loosing her mind....

<font color="#ffffff">Whether you're super-crafty or just budget-savvy, share your project ideas and inspirations here.</font>

Ok, So here is a little background on me and my FH. When I met him, him and his brother were paying all the rent and the bills for the duplex they had which my FH's  mom was also living in. So wh

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DIY Brides

Future MIL is loosing her mind....

<font color="#ffffff">Whether you're super-crafty or just budget-savvy, share your project ideas and inspirations here.</font>

Ok, So here is a little background on me and my FH. When I met him, him and his brother were paying all the rent and the bills for the duplex they had which my FH's  mom was also living in. So wh

Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:b38a16ad-2c85-4da7-a6df-12f9509348be

Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:b38a16ad-2c85-4da7-a6df-12f9509348beDiscussion:e93ce6d5-ed07-48e9-aec5-001019a3917a

Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > DIY Brides > Future MIL is loosing her mind....

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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > DIY Brides > Future MIL is loosing her mind....

Future MIL is loosing her mind....

posted at 10/30/2009 5:47 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

780957302370677...

Joined on
09-18-2008
MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL

7809573023706773

Posts: 1

First: 10/30/2009

Last: 10/30/2009

Ok, So here is a little background on me and my FH. When I met him, him and his brother were paying all the rent and the bills for the duplex they had which my FH's mom was also living in. So when I moved in with him, it was not only me and him but also his mom and 3 of his 4 brothers. The only ones paying rent were me and my FH and his 1 brother. So then his mom decides to go and buy a house. She tells us she wants us to move in with her because it will help us save money for the wedding ( sept. 18, 2010). So we agree and we tell her that we cant really afford to pay any rent or bills other then OUR bills ( car, cells, etc.). So she says thats fine. Then back in June of this year we both ended up loosing our jobs. So now we are both on unemployment not getting even close to what we were when we were working. Thats brings us to the present... Today ( and dang near every week for the last 5 months or so), She flipped out on us for something stupid. Today it was that ADT ( the security company that SHE wanted) kept calling this morning and woke her up. Now, keep in mind, they were calling because the alarm was tripped. So she has his brother come down and wake us up so that we can fix it, and told him to tell us that after it was fixed we could go back to bed if we want. Well, thats all fine and dandy but I dont understand why she couldnt do it. She doesnt buy groceries, clean, or do anything around the house because her excuses are "she works" and " shes the mom so she shouldnt have to". Ok, well yeah she works and we appreciate her paying for everthing and its not like we dont do things around the house but she constantly thinks that we just sit around on our butts all day long. She acts like we are her slaves and when she wants something done she wants it done NOW. It doesnt matter what we have going on, if we do have something going on, we better change our plans or all hell breaks loose. So anyways, getting back to today... She didnt do anything with the alarm because she needed to go out in the garage which is FULL of HER stuff from a garage sale that we were going to have but didnt because it got too cold out. So basically she expected us to wake up go out and clean the garage and fix the alarm... when my FH went upstairs to talk to her about the whole situation she sat there and basically told him that she shouldnt have to spend her weekend off cleaning the garage that is FILLED with HER stuff. She said well I work so I shouldnt have to do anything on my days off... Well, Im sorry but this is YOUR house not ours and its YOUR stuff in the garage and its the alarm system that YOU insisted on getting. So, why is this our problem? Every week it is something new. It doesnt matter how much we try to do around the house so we dont have to listen to her yell, scream and holler, its just never enough and never good enough. So, today she basically told us to get out for like the 5th time this month alone... because we dont contribute to this house at all ( even though monday when it was her day off and her 16 year old son needed a ride home, she said to him and thats my problem why and refused to pick him up, we went and did it, and we buy groceries for HER kids). So she knows that we cant afford to go anywhere right now but continues to tell us to get out... What should we do? I told my FH that When we do move, which I am hoping is this spring... that I just want to go and find our place and get all our stuff moved and then let her figure it out on her own. He refuses to do that. He wants to go and sign the lease and then tell her... I dont feel that she has earned the respect to even know that we are moving... Am I just being spiteful? I dont know what to do here to make this living situation easier and jobs are so hard to find right now that I dont expect it to be anytime soon.... ( i have put out over 100 applications since july). Please help.. any advice or suggestions would be appreciated!!!!

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Re: Future MIL is loosing her mind....

posted at 11/1/2009 2:20 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

crystal527

Joined on
09-22-2009
HOUSTON

4024891758267732

Posts: 4

First: 11/1/2009

Last: 11/8/2009

If you want honest advice, mine would be that you have two options:

1. If you plan to stay with your mother in law, you are at her mercy IMO.

2. Get jobs (even if it means doubling up on part time jobs) and move out.

She has an extremely valid point in my eyes. Right now she is the one working and paying for the roof over your heads. She is also probably quite a bit older than the both of you. IMO she has every right to be extremely annoyed that you two are still there and not working.

I understand that you lost your jobs after agreeing to move in, but living rent-free while you are working toward paying for a wedding, and living rent-free while picking up unemployment are two vastly different situations. Right now I am working two jobs to match the income of my fiance who is working one job. We are living by ourselves and paying for the wedding. It is REALLY rough but you have to buckle down and do what you can, even if it means taking up a part time job to supplement income. I believe if she saw you making an effort to work and be useful, she would lighten up about your contributions around the house.

As for contributions around the house, I agree with her once again. She is working and you two are staying there rent-free. You should feel obligated to do all the annoying chores that she doesn't want to do. Yeah, if you were not there they would be her responsibilities.. but you ARE there, and she IS paying for the roof over your heads. IMO you should be thankful for that and suck it up. She is most likely working 40+ hours a week to supply rent, can you honestly say that she is asking you both to do more than 40+ hours of work around the house and/or errands?

I don't mean for this to sound harsh, but to me it sounds like the two of you are taking her kindness for granted. Some people do not have the luxary of having such a big expense supplied for them. If you have someone willing to do that for you and request you to do chores and other tasks in return, it doesn't seem like a bad deal to me. You both need to do the mature thing and either happily oblige her, or pack up your stuff and go.

Once again, I'm not trying to be ugly towards you, just giving you my honest opinion of the situation. I had a similar situation with a friend of mine who lived in our apartment with us rent-free while she got back on her feet. She lost her job and freeloaded around the apartment and acted annoyed with us anytime we asked her to do anything. We put up with it for six months and then gave her the boot. Maybe I'm just jaded on the situation, but I can see where it gets frustrating from the other side.

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Re: Future MIL is loosing her mind....

posted at 11/1/2009 7:11 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

mrsmeans09

Joined on
10-19-2009
CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA

5113915630028058

Posts: 17

First: 11/1/2009

Last: 11/18/2009

i have been in a similar situation. FH and I were living with my parents, but we were paying them every month for 1/2 of the water, sewerage, garbage, electricity, phone, internet, cable, and buying our own food, car, insurance, and supplies for our daughter.

my fiance was working a decent job and our daughter was just an infant and i didnt want her to be in day care or anything yet, so i was just working at a local diner on the weekends.

after about the fifth blowup with my parents we finally decided that we would do whatever we had to in order to move out. that included me getting a full time job working opposite shifts from him and us scaling back our wedding big time. it was hard and it sucked, but we finally had our freedom and weren't anyone's slaves anymore. Just stick with it and do what you can to save money. even if you get a paper route whatever adds a little bit extra on top of what you have and cut corners where you must. maybe cut down your cell plan, stay at home for dinner, dyeing your own hair instead of going to the salon, whatever you can do to save money either you do it or you accept the fact that you are dealing with her because its better than the alternative. best of luck with the job hunt i know its hard!

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Re: Future MIL is loosing her mind....

posted at 11/2/2009 4:31 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

BWM4984

Joined on
06-01-2009

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Posts: 20

First: 9/15/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

I agree that if you are unhappy in this situation you have to do everything in your power to move out even ifthat means getting jobs that are less desirable. BUt i think that she shouldnt make you do all of her cleaning thats not fair and if you are the one buying groceries that is also not fair and she should be more worried about her own children and buy her own food

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