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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec

Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

Emotional Support

Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

<font color="#ffffff">Need some bridal therapy? Talk here.</font>

We are 7 months out from the wedding and my MIL cannot show one ounce of happiness or excitement for our wedding.  We had discussed exactly what we wanted our day to be like before we got engaged

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Emotional Support

Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

<font color="#ffffff">Need some bridal therapy? Talk here.</font>

We are 7 months out from the wedding and my MIL cannot show one ounce of happiness or excitement for our wedding.  We had discussed exactly what we wanted our day to be like before we got engaged

Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:851efcf2-ae7a-42b6-9b68-fa58d4dad4d2

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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Emotional Support > Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Emotional Support > Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

posted at 10/16/2009 8:52 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

lovebiscuit2010

Joined on
08-03-2009
NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

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Posts: 4

First: 10/16/2009

Last: 10/21/2009

We are 7 months out from the wedding and my MIL cannot show one ounce of happiness or excitement for our wedding. We had discussed exactly what we wanted our day to be like before we got engaged, we even had a date and venue picked out and reserved prior to our engagement (places book up quickly in our small hometown). But 3 months in to our engagement (aka. now) she has told both of us that she simply can't say she is happy for us. Because she is truly UNHAPPY about our marriage, with no just cause. She cannot tell us why she is unhappy, she has no concrete explanation. She is not paying for ANYTHING but has nothing but complaints about the decisions we have made. She has asked me to ask MY parents to spring for a caterer because she feels the options we have chosen are tacky and will reflect poorly on her name (for the size of our wedding, a caterer would run $10-15,000, which is simply not an option for our budget). Nothing we can say or do (believe me, we have both tried) can get this woman to keep her mouth shut on anything concerned with the wedding. She has stepped in between my FI and I, behind my back, telling him that she does not agree with the venue (I am Catholic, and he is not religious, but he knows it is important to me to be married in the Catholic Church), she does not think our marriage will last, she is concerned for his happiness, and she does not like how he is changing the priorities in his life from his career to a wife, etc. I have taken the high road 100% and have nothing but kind words for her. I keep her informed on all wedding decisions because I know that keeping her out of the loop will only cause more drama and hostility.

But all I really want to do is quote the movie Bambi and say "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I am concerned because we are 7 months out from the wedding and this is only getting worse as days go by. I am cringing at the thought of how she will be when the wedding day comes...and how our relationship will be after we are married. I have told her time and time again that her and I having a good relationship is so important to me, because we are both very close to our families, and it seems to accomplish nothing.

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Re: Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

posted at 10/16/2009 10:59 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

kpwedkk

Joined on
09-22-2008
PHOENIX

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Posts: 273

First: 5/5/2009

Last: 11/17/2009

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding --
I'm going to read a little bit into this, is your MIL participating in anyway except negatively?

My suggestion would be to forgive, because she is in that denial state of losing her son, which she really isn't - she's gaining a daughter!

Also, it may help to give her a task that let her run with it - like the flowers, or picking out the napkins, or setting up the layout of your reception hall, or giving her a part in your wedding - like singing a song, or reading a heartfelt poem.

If she's involved, it may help to alleviate some of the stress that you are feeling.

Hope that helps!

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart."

~ Mrs K ~
~ March 21st 2009 ~

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Re: Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

posted at 10/19/2009 9:56 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

cosmogirl

Joined on
06-20-2006
BOSTON

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Posts: 713

First: 5/14/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

If everyone else in his family seems to like you and accept you, then I don't think there is a thing you can do about this. I would not put up with her b*tching and whining, I would just keep my contact with her to a minimum.

After all the things she's said about you and your relationship with her son, I think you should stop trying to please her, to get her to accept you, etc. Always be polite and gracious but stop trying to make a relationship with her.

Make sure that your FI sticks up for you and intervenes whenever necessary. He should never allow his mom to badmouth you in front of others. If he is passive about this, then it's a concern because it won't help the relationship move forward. He needs to say that by treating you badly, she is forcing him to choose between the 2 of you, and he chooses you.

Also, don't email, facebook, or anything about this situation that could escalate it. Just stay cool and polite. (Wine helps!) Good luck!

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Re: Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

posted at 10/20/2009 3:20 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

BWM4984

Joined on
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Posts: 17

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Last: 11/19/2009

Move away move far far away~!!!

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Re: Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

posted at 10/26/2009 6:58 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

valentinebride

Joined on
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DETROIT

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Posts: 9

First: 10/13/2009

Last: 10/28/2009

A marriage is about the couple. no one else. You are marrying him not her.

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Re: Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

posted at 10/27/2009 6:52 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

663489642906018...

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Last: 10/30/2009

I AGREE WITH THE LAST. MINE HAS NOT SAID ANYTHING TO ME AT ALL!

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Re: Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

posted at 10/27/2009 9:56 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

776276866171188...

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Last: 10/27/2009

one thing i just learned is to let you fiance handle it -- i tried to be open and honest about a situation and it got manipulated to her being the victim and me being a b!tch......
no matter what, its his mother and while he may not take her side, he will probably do a better job keeping the peace

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Re: Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

posted at 11/5/2009 7:14 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

xoShawnxo

Joined on
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Last: 11/5/2009

I know how you're feeling-- my MIL has decided she despises me and I'm not welcome in her home-- nor is she welcome in ours, as a result of her meanness.

She's not coming to the wedding- she's not invited, and it's her loss. You need to sit down w/your FI and determine what strategy you will have in place in case things really get out of hand--As time goes by, the melodrama is apt to escalate. You're 7 months out and this might be only the beginning....

I'd have a hard time having her at my wedding if I cared about the people there being supportive and loving and happy for us. If you don't mind someone sitting there in the front row seething about you, well, then let her come. But if you DO care...you might want to talk it over with your FI and see how he feels about it.

Good luck!

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Re: Mother-in-law-zilla...vent.

posted at 11/6/2009 10:14 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

cosmogirl

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First: 5/14/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

As time goes by, the melodrama is apt to escalate. You're 7 months out and this might be only the beginning....

It won't escalate if you don't let it. Stay cool, calm, and collected. Don't get sucked into her little toilet of drama. If you act like a rational adult, her histrionics will look even more ridiculous than they are.

DH's sisters are always fighting with each other about something, and they so want to draw me in to "their side". I just won't play so I don't get involved. I get along with them all.

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