General Wedding Planning Topics
Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec
Bridal Party/Family Etiquette/Advice/Drama--Help!!1
General Wedding Etiquette
Bridal Party/Family Etiquette/Advice/Drama--Help!!1
<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>
Sorry, this may be better placed under "drama" or "bridal party" but I've been having issues with regards to the bridal party. Unfortunately my fiance and I both have family members that we woul
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General Wedding Etiquette
Bridal Party/Family Etiquette/Advice/Drama--Help!!1
<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>
Sorry, this may be better placed under "drama" or "bridal party" but I've been having issues with regards to the bridal party. Unfortunately my fiance and I both have family members that we woul
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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8
Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:60ab68ff-eb1e-4b58-a0f8-0d296fa90d27
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Bridal Party/Family Etiquette/Advice/Drama--Help!!1
posted at 2/5/2012 9:22 PM EST
on weddingchannel.com
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Joined on
01-20-2007
CINCINNATI 7639049305994509
Posts: 2
First: 12/21/2011
Last: 2/5/2012
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Sorry, this may be better placed under "drama" or "bridal party" but I've been having issues with regards to the bridal party.
Unfortunately my fiance and I both have family members that we would rather not have in the bridal party, but I'm recognizing that it would be a serious faux paux to not have them. (Plus I don't want to anger either set of parents...)
On my end I would prefer not have his sister as a bridesmaid, and I would rather not have one of my brothers in the bridal party either, due to some major family issues. My fiance would would rather not include one of his brothers as a groomsman, and goes back and forth as to whether or not he cares if his sister is in the wedding or not.
At my parents' insistance, it has been agreed by all that my brother will be an usher. My fiance has 2 older brothers and has already asked one to be a groomsman. He really does not want his other brother to be in the bridal party. If I were the unasked brother, I would feel terribly hurt and offended, but my fiance doesn't seem to care.
I'm trying to keep the amount of drama to a minimum, and am willing to suck it up and include all 3 offenders, but apparently my fiance isn't too concerned about potentially burning bridges. This has been a constant argument between us with regards to the wedding. Any advice???
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Re: Bridal Party/Family Etiquette/Advice/Drama--Help!!1
posted at 2/6/2012 6:14 PM EST
on weddingchannel.com
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Joined on
12-12-2011
SOUTH CAROLINA 8327593289995759
Posts: 61
First: 12/16/2011
Last: 5/9/2012
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First off, who you all choose to be in your bridal party is you and your fiance's decision, just be prepared for some backlash if anyone's feelings get hurt.
If your fiance doesn't care for your sister-in-law at all, and they're really not close, like a normal brother/sister relationship, then I wouldn't have her in my bridal party. It would be one thing if just you didn't like her, but if the groom doesn't really care for her being in the wedding, then I wouldn't have her as my bridesmaids. My fiance only has half-siblings, and he only sees them, like once every few years, if that. None of his brothers will be in the wedding party, because he's not close to any of his siblings at all. There is no animosity, they're just not close. So I decided that his sister wouldn't be in it either, just to follow lead, I've never even met her. They are invited to the wedding, so there's no drama. I just believe that when it comes to the groom's family, the bride should follow suit in his relationship to them (and vise versa). I wish that I could explain that the way I feel it, because I don't mean it in a mean way at all. If I were you though, I would keep your brother in the wedding party, that choice is really up to you because he's your relative. However, I don't know what your 'family issues' are. If they are serious and him being in the wedding would cause strife, drama, etc. I wouldn't include him in the WP. It's completely up to your fiance if he wants to include his brother or not in the WP.
I understand you sympathising with the 'unasked' brother, however, only your fiance and him truly know their relationship, so try not to get involved with that. You don't need to be arguing with your fiance about this. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO 'suck it up', you all can let his sister be your bridesmaid, your brother his groomsman (if your fiance is fine with this), and not ask his brother to be his groomsman. Simple as that, you shouldn't be arguing with him on who gets to be his groomsman. HIS groomsmen, HIS choice. Hope that helps!
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Re: Bridal Party/Family Etiquette/Advice/Drama--Help!!1
posted at 2/7/2012 11:42 AM EST
on weddingchannel.com
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Joined on
06-20-2006
BOSTON 35626637508267
Posts: 1766
First: 5/14/2009
Last: 5/16/2012
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Are you close to his sister?
Has she given off vibes that she wants to/expects to be in the wedding?
Is a tradition in your families that siblings are always included in the wedding party?
Are your parents aware of your issues with the siblings you don't want to include?
Are the siblings financially and emotionally available to be in the wedding?
How far away is the wedding? Can you wait awhile before making a final decision and see what their attitudes are like?
If you decide that you really don't want all the drama that including these sibs may involve, can you talk to your parents and calmly explain your decisions? Can you invoke a desire to keep the wedding party small?
I always feel bad for couples who include people in the wedding party out of obligation and it ends up really being a huge negative to the couple and to the other wedding party members. On the other hand, you have to remember that the wedding is one day but the family repercussions can last for a long time.
Good luck with whatever you decide!
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Re: Bridal Party/Family Etiquette/Advice/Drama--Help!!1
posted at 2/9/2012 1:27 PM EST
on weddingchannel.com
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Joined on
02-04-2008
ST. LOUIS 8521377378392343
Posts: 2767
First: 5/9/2009
Last: 5/16/2012
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To save drama I might think about not having a wedding party at all.
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Re: Bridal Party/Family Etiquette/Advice/Drama--Help!!1
posted at 2/14/2012 11:04 PM EST
on weddingchannel.com
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Joined on
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Posts: 510
First: 4/20/2011
Last: 3/21/2012
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If they are not close, I wouldn't include them in the WP. But if any of them expressed that they expect to be included, I would work with that. Whoever your fiance wants to include is his choice, you shouldn't be arguing. You explained your point, he understands but doesn't care about how they will feel. I would leave it at that. We had the same question. My sister and nieces are in the WP but my FI doens't want anyone from his family to be included because they are not close and he doesn't think they would want to anyway. He selected groomsmen from my family. I don't care either, I'm like your FI. I am not close to his family either and I don't feel I am marrying his family. We won't get any closer emotionally with the wedding. I am sure there will be other questions to avert drama, at least this one we agreed on and we feel ok about the decision.
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Re: Bridal Party/Family Etiquette/Advice/Drama--Help!!1
posted at 2/28/2012 6:07 PM EST
on weddingchannel.com
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Joined on
07-11-2007
NORTHEAST OHIO 6549197522528520
Posts: 926
First: 3/22/2011
Last: 5/5/2012
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Don't include people because you feel ike you "have to," if you don't want them there then don't ask them. There will be some backlash, but it's not their day, it's yours and your fiance's. Weddings bring out the best and/or the worst in people, hopefully it will bring out the best in your relatives and soon to be inlaws. Also, if the siblings are as estragned as you say, it would seem that they wouldn't want to be involved. IJS.
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