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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec
Not registering anywhere, is this okay?
General Wedding Etiquette
Not registering anywhere, is this okay?
<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>
My FH and I have been together for over three years, we have everything a married couple would need plus more. I have searched at several different stores to "see" if we needed anything, but we don't.
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General Wedding Etiquette
Not registering anywhere, is this okay?
<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>
My FH and I have been together for over three years, we have everything a married couple would need plus more. I have searched at several different stores to "see" if we needed anything, but we don't.
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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8
Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:a1966fa2-ac58-4e8f-bb7f-9a0bc116aba2

Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > General Wedding Etiquette > Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

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Forums  >  General Wedding Planning Topics  >  General Wedding Etiquette  >  Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/20/2009 9:46 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 My FH and I have been together for over three years, we have everything a married couple would need plus more. I have searched at several different stores to "see" if we needed anything, but we don't. I don't want to pick out random things that would end up in a yard sale either. So I really don't want to register anywhere. I feel that the guests that want to get us something could just give cash if they choose. Any opinions? Thank you
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 2:07 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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     Being that I am a rather young bride-to-be (I will be 22 by the time my wedding day arrives), my etiquette may be a TAD off, but I may as well state my idea on the matter:
     I'm of the opinion that registering for gifts when you have already got everything you need for a home (having lived together for some time before the wedding) is sort of tacky, and as you've stated you would fel badly just registering things that you would end up selling or not using. And, being as it is your choice to register or not, then nobody can really tell you what to do. 
    I would say to go ahead and do what you like, and if anyone inquires about registry just tell them that you've made the decision not to do so, but (if they would like) any gifts would be graciously accepted.

    Of course, bear in mind that this may also result in some people not giving any sort of gift at all, but gifts aren't what marriage is about anyway, right? =)
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 7:08 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Well, some people are going to want to get you a gift, so that doesn't mean you won't get anything that will still end up in a garage sale.  Where I come from, for example, cash is not a common gift--people regard it as too "cold."  Isn't there anything you might want to upgrade, like better towels or sheets, or some additional pans or bakeware?   Frames for wedding pictures, etc? 

If you don't register, and people ask, I would just say that you didn't register because you have everything you need--i wouldn't mention that any gift will be accepted, since gifts aren't mandatory in the first place.
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 7:12 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 While registering can be a convenience for people who may not know what you need, not everyone would buy from it anyway.  My FH and I were able to find things to put on a registry that are not as "traditional."  We put down car care supplies, emergency first aid kits, storage containers, picture frames and albums (we know we are going to want to put some nice ones together for our wedding), etc.  I would not state anywhere that you want cash, but you can have your bridal party spread that info by word of mouth IF ASKED.  You can even set up an account where people can donate $$ toward a honeymoon.  Just some ideas for you.
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 7:20 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 There is not law saying that you have to register anywhere. Just make sure you do not have a bridal shower as well.

Keep in mind though that a lot of the older generation typically likes to give gifts instead of cash. You may want to pick out one store that you can register at. Do you need a new china pattern, or towels (IMO everyone needs towels lol) or maybe a set of glasses so down the road you won't have to buy new ones. Linens for the bed and such. Just one small place with a small registery to give someone the option if they want to. Otherwise, you may end up getting some really weird gifts.

If you don't have a shower, in my expierience, most people give cash at the actual wedding. We had over 300 guests, and got maybe 25 gifts to open the next day and the rest was cash.

Do not tell people yourself that you only want cash. Have someone else spread the word, or, if directly asked, say you are saving up for a new house etc.

Good luck!
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 8:41 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 So, I thought about this and struggled with it for a while so here's my two cents take it for what it is.

As much as you don't need it NOW, this registry isn't for NOW it's forever. Just because you don't need china now doesn't mean that 10 years down the road you won't regret not registering for it.

To resolve part of the issue for us, we're big travelers, so we are doing a honeymoon registry.

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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 8:52 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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If you really don't want to register, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Most people will probably either give money or maybe gift certificates.

Like some of the PP's said, though, don't discount "upgrading." My DH and I had been together for about 5 years by the time we got married. Some of our household items were cheapie things from my college years, or fussy things DH inherited from his mother. We didn't go crazy with our registries, but it was extremely wonderful to receive new sheets, kitchen knives, etc.


Good luck.
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 8:53 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Hi Brianne. It's fine not to register anywhere - most people will assume this means you want cash and, if asked, you can tell folks that you're saving for ___ (a house, new living room furniture). They'll get the idea, saving you the faux pas of asking outright for cash.


That said, Misma's advice is good. You may want to consider registering for a few token items (towels, sheets) that will, sooner or later, wear out - and it's nice to have back-ups. Plus, that way people can see what your taste is in colors, so they'll avoid things that will have a one-way ticket to the yard sale.


(If you were in a cold climate, I would highly recommend fleece sheets -- they're on the pricey side, but what a difference when it's below freezing outside -- can you tell I'm thinking winter's coming?)

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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 11:19 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I agree with PPs. You may not need some items now but down the road you might.  Maybe you have been wanting to update your bathroom with a new look? well now would be a good time to see about some new towels, shower curtains, towel bars etc etc.  Sheets, throw covers are always a plus.  And dont forget your photo frames.  What are you going to put all those beautiful wedding pictures in?

Mrs. in 2010 :)
blog post photo

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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 12:00 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Wow! Thanks for all the advice everyone!  My intensions were NEVER to "ask" for cash, I just assumed that people would assume that "Oh they are not registered anywhere, and we want to purchase a give, lets just give cash instead"
In regards to a honeymoon registery, how do I go about setting one of those up? And because it is tacky to send a registery card with your invitation, would that be a word of mouth thing as well?
Thank you all for your advice, I feel I have more options to think about now!!Laughing
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 12:12 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 You can let people know by word of mouth or post it on  your wedding website.  We included our wedding website on the STD cards.  There is a place under registries on this site that you can sign up for a sandals honeymoon and even one by travelers joy or something.  I am not too familiar with honeymoon type registries, but I bet you could get a good idea by checking out the registry site.  Good luck!
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 12:24 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Just be careful on those honeymoon registeries. Some people think that it's tacky. It depends on your guests, and how picky they are.

Also, the honeymoon registeries take a portion of what people pay for themselves. Like if someone were to donate $100, you would only get 93 of it or something. There are people who have a problem with that - giving money to the site.

Just look around and be careful about what you chose.
I think Laurie used one of those, she may have some good advice.

And follow RebMik's avice as to how to spread the word. You've got the right idea that it doesn't go in your invitations. Word of mouth or website.
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/21/2009 6:50 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 We are in the same boat but have been living together for 10 years and had two fully furnished houses when we moved in together. To make it more difficult we just downsized to a new small house.  I found a website that lets people donate to our honeymoon.  It seemed like a perfect answer for the people that don't want to give just cash. I posted the site on our web site which is on our save the date cards.
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/22/2009 10:15 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Okay, sorry it took me a bit to get back.

Honeymoon registry.
I LOVED this idea.
What it is so for example, I'm thinking about doing Bermuda for our honeymoon.
You find stuff in Bermuda you like...a night in the honeymoon suite, a nice dinner, kayak rentals, snorkeling, etc.
Price it all out.
Google "honeymoon registry".
Pick the one you like. (We're using travlersjoy.com).
Throw that baby on your wedding website (I'm doing one from this website it's on the upper right hand corner in your toolbar).
Be happy! :)
Hehehe.
Takes a bit of research on the beginning end of it to get prices, etc. Talk to the FI see what he thinks too. hehehe. Oh, and the previous comment about them taking costs out, it's true if you go to the crappy ones, they do. Traveler's Joy was straight up with us about the 7.5% fee that it takes (total) from the members. I totally understood where all the money went and it was the lowest I found of all of them. It's worth it for my guests to be able to give us what we want.
I don't care if people think it's tacky. We are the kind of couple that threw out the Emily Post book.
It's MUCH more us.
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/22/2009 4:45 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Honeymoonwishes only charges 7% and there is a place to build you own uniquie ideas.  For example we are going to Yellowstone, Glacier and Banff and this site has allowed me to put in things unique to those spots.
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/30/2009 2:53 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 If you like the idea of a honeymoon registry why don't you register for a general honeymoon fund, and then also pick out some honeymoon activities to register for too? The website we are using for our registry, myregistry.com, lets you set up a cash gift fund (you can use that for the general honeymoon fund), and then you can add any other gifts you want from any store/business. We're thinking about putting a helicopter tour or scuba adventure type of thing on our registry. Also, I agree that its rude to run around telling everyone you want cash/money for your honeymoon, so why don't you have someone in the bridal party send out an eCard with your registry info. The website we are using has free eCards, but there are also tons of free eCard websites elsewhere. Good luck!
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/30/2009 3:47 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I didn't read all the responses yet but we were in the same sort of situation so I registered for towels, sheets, things I can store away until we need them.  We didn't register for a lot but gave guests something to go by.

You may get cash if there's no registry but you may get whateve the guest feels you need.  At the shower I had people tell me I didn't register for enough "traditional" items so they decided which traditional items I needed and purchased them for me. 

I understand your concerns but you may end up with items that end up in a yard sale because you didn't register.

Edited to add: that we did honeymoonwishes and we set it up for the service charge to come out of our portion, our guests never realized there was a service charge.  The honeymoon registry isn't for everyone but I looked at it as an option for a guest, as any other registry would be.

And I agree with the above to think about the future and what you may want later not just right now.   That's why I have 3 sets of sheets that in a few years I'll open!
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/30/2009 5:05 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 If you don't want to register then don't. I doubt many people pay any attention to those things anyway. If you have a small amount of guests that you know quite well then you can just use word of mouth of things you may like or need. Really, people are going to get you whatever they want whether its on a registry or not.

*The Future Mrs. Wile*

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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/30/2009 10:44 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Honeymoon registries are so stupid it boggles my mind. You're basically paying some company to process your cash for you.

Just don't register and use the cash gifts middle-man free.
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/31/2009 9:19 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 PLEASE don't do a honeymoon registry.  Most of them are just registries for cash and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  That 7% they take is $7 I'd rather YOU have than the agent have.

If you opt for no registries and request no gifts, that also means no showers. 
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/31/2009 10:35 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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If honeymoon registries are taking part of your money then why not set up your own registry, called a bank account?

*The Future Mrs. Wile*

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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 10/31/2009 11:39 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Because that's blatantly asking for cash.
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 11/1/2009 9:33 AM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 If honeymoon registries are taking part of your money then why not set up your own registry, called a bank account?

Yikes!! This is VERY inappropriate. 
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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 11/1/2009 1:56 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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When my FI and I get married we will have lived together for 3 years.  I am not registering for anything.  When we combined two households our house became overfull.  We had two of everything.  I will enjoy being suprised by the gifts we recieve.

Oct.Bride.2010

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Re: Not registering anywhere, is this okay?

posted at 11/3/2009 3:01 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 If you already have the things that most people register for or do not want these things then I see nothing wrong with not registering.  If you or a family member are asked where you are registered your stock answer should be "Thank you so  much for asking but we/they did not register as they already have just aout everything we/they need".  To me that would be the signal to give cash but you should be prepared to get some gifts that you would never have chosen for yourself.
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