Bookmark | Make this my homepage

Wedding Planning - Wedding Dresses - Wedding Gifts - Wedding Website

Search

couple

site

Log In| Sign Up

Community

Message Boards

General Wedding Planning Topics

General Wedding Etiquette

Just Engaged

DIY Brides

Ceremonies and Wedding Vows

Wedding Receptions

Bridal Party

Fashion and Health and Beauty

Wedding Drama

Emotional Support

Honeymoon

Destination Weddings

Chit Chat

Just Married

Vendor Board

Ask a Vendor

Bridal Blog Roll

Bridal Blogs

Journals

Journals

Community Links

Wedding Registry:
Etiquette 101

Wedding Music:
DJ Upgrades

Honeymoon:
Find your destination

Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

General Wedding Etiquette

Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>

I am having a lot of out-of-town guests at my wedding, many of whom are good friends or close relatives who are not aunts and uncles or first cousins. I'd assumed we'd invite these people to our rehea

0

False

General Wedding Etiquette

Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>

I am having a lot of out-of-town guests at my wedding, many of whom are good friends or close relatives who are not aunts and uncles or first cousins. I'd assumed we'd invite these people to our rehea

0

Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8

Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:6e60619c-dbb8-44d0-aa06-63de858099ac

[
						{"Key" : "Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:6e60619c-dbb8-44d0-aa06-63de858099acPost:e0dfdbc3-4936-4f4a-8389-26d3617b717d","Timestamp" : new Date(2009, 6, 3, 16, 27, 34, 600)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:6e60619c-dbb8-44d0-aa06-63de858099acPost:a7b97ca3-c7c0-47b1-8aca-994a4f4ba560","Timestamp" : new Date(2009, 6, 3, 23, 16, 40, 298)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:6e60619c-dbb8-44d0-aa06-63de858099acPost:987ad11f-0b44-4881-a3bd-e9b9156b34a1","Timestamp" : new Date(2009, 6, 4, 2, 2, 10, 928)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:6e60619c-dbb8-44d0-aa06-63de858099acPost:8bbb3ddd-640e-4cb9-be8f-3e1d3a60f291","Timestamp" : new Date(2009, 6, 4, 10, 49, 37, 242)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:6e60619c-dbb8-44d0-aa06-63de858099acPost:744a29f5-9ce5-4035-99db-43f4a890bca5","Timestamp" : new Date(2009, 6, 5, 9, 15, 39, 563)} ,					{"Key" : "Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:6e60619c-dbb8-44d0-aa06-63de858099acPost:ce60f601-13b9-4831-ba47-854dd54d4dfc","Timestamp" : new Date(2009, 6, 5, 14, 30, 19, 605)} 				]

Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > General Wedding Etiquette > Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

You must be logged in to contribute. Log in | Register

Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > General Wedding Etiquette > Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

posted at 7/3/2009 4:27 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

nicedayforawhit...

Joined on
05-11-2009
HOUSTON

6649776482566458

Posts: 1

First: 7/3/2009

Last: 7/3/2009

I am having a lot of out-of-town guests at my wedding, many of whom are good friends or close relatives who are not aunts and uncles or first cousins. I'd assumed we'd invite these people to our rehearsal dinner because they're paying to fly to our wedding and this is another way to spend time with them. (In all but one rehearsal dinner that I've been to, out-of-town guests have been included.)

However, my mother-in-law-to-be recently told my fiancee that the standard rehearsal dinner protocol is to only include the wedding party and close family. It's not that she can't afford to pay for more people; I just think she doesn't want to do so. Does anyone have any experience with such an issue or have any suggestions on how to handle it? Obviously, I don't want to anger her, but at the same time, I feel like it's kind of rude to not invite people who are shelling out lots of money to fly to our wedding and stay in a hotel. I suspect that some or most of them even expect to be invited to the rehearsal dinner. I know I can't please everyone with this wedding, but I'd at least like to try to do the right thing ...

Report Abuse

REPLY QUOTE Private Message

Re: Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

posted at 7/3/2009 11:16 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

misma09

Joined on
06-16-2009
LANSING

4321807391366757

Posts: 780

First: 6/16/2009

Last: 11/6/2009

I'm not sure what the exact protocal is for OOT guests, but my advice is if she is paying for rehersal dinner than she is within her rights to limit who is invited. If you really want them there, maybe you could offer to pay for the extra people yourself. Or provide them with a gift basket as a thank you for coming all that way to come to your wedding, and include a gift card in there for dinner for a night at a local restaurant.

I was also under the impression that OOT guests generally came to the rehersal dinner, but again, I would think that if your FMIL is the one paying for it, then it would be up to her.

Report Abuse

REPLY QUOTE Private Message

Re: Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

posted at 7/4/2009 2:02 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

banana2007

Joined on
09-26-2005

678662575003194

Posts: 237

First: 5/8/2009

Last: 11/6/2009

As long as FMIL is cool with inviting the musts (WP, your parents and siblings, readers and the officiant and anyone else who must be at the rehearsal who isn't paid PLUS their sig others/dates) then she's perfectly fine. It's nice to invite OOT guests but it's not completely necessary.

Report Abuse

REPLY QUOTE Private Message

Re: Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

posted at 7/4/2009 10:49 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

Bets0731

Joined on
04-15-2009
SEATTLE

4364754124849393

Posts: 216

First: 5/19/2009

Last: 7/29/2009

In the book that was given to me "Weddings, for dummies", or something of that variety, it said that even though the parents of the groom are paying you should still be able to have some input on the guest list, as they usually don't know your side of the family. But in that case the IL's have to willing to hear what you have to say!

I had the SAME situation. We moved up here to WA a few years ago so ALL my family and friends are back in SoCal. My situation got a lil complicated because I did want to invite OOT family and friends as well. But my uncle, my dad's brother, is actually marrying us! So how could I possibly invite him and NOT my dad's other siblings and their families, then if I invite my dad's side how could I not invite my mom's? I talked to my mom about it and she said she would talk to my FMIL and offer to help pay for the rehersal dinner in the event that all these people showed. FMIL wouldn't hear it, she wanted to take care of everything, but did extend an invite to anyone we wanted to invite. So it all worked out ok.
Can you just sit down with her and say something like, "I would really like to invite some of my OOT family, they have spent a lot of money to attend and I would like to get the chance to spend a little bit more time with them?" Don't have FH do it. Or you can do what I did and have your mom talk to her. My mom was able to bring this up in convo, they had other things to discuss so she didn't blind side FMIL. Hope that helps! good luck!

Report Abuse

REPLY QUOTE Private Message

Re: Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

posted at 7/5/2009 9:15 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

ALF72

Joined on
10-30-2004
BOSTON

981246950001257

Posts: 912

First: 5/8/2009

Last: 11/6/2009

We invited OOT guests to the RD, which meant we had a RD of about 45 people. However, it is tradition in DH's family to invite the extended family to the RD and his family was 99% of the RD invite list. I was totally fine w/ that. His parents were paying, so it was really up to them.

In your situation, I think you should invite the OOT guests. I have never been to an OOT wedding that involved alot of travel where I was not invited to the RD. However, if your FILs don't want to pay for those guests, you and your FI should foot the bill for those additional guests.

There is no right or wrong answer to who is invited to the RD. The wedding party and anyone involved in the wedding ceremony itself obviously need to attend the rehearsal, but a dinner is not required. If you have one and who you invite can vary family to family. Both you and your MIL are correct in theory, but you still need to figure out what you are going to do for your own RD. Good luck.

Report Abuse

REPLY QUOTE Private Message

Re: Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

posted at 7/5/2009 2:30 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

WhatawagSBNy

Joined on
08-15-2008
NEW HAMPSHIRE

5451543958318906

Posts: 771

First: 6/19/2009

Last: 11/7/2009

nicedayforawhitewedding -

     You do not mention here if the necessary people for the actual wedding rehearsal live near you.
      Since the hostess rules on something like this, where there are varying ideas that are each correct etiquette, MIL may simply want a smaller and more intimate group.    Time to be sentimental in a small group.   If so, you paying for additional people won't help.
     If most of the wedding party live closeby, you can hold the rehearsal and RD 1 or 2 weeks before the wedding, or a few extra days before the ceremony if okay.
     Then at wedding time, either family may host their out-of-town family or other guests in separate groups or all together. They can meet family reunion style for something hosted by a relative, not B or G or either set of parents.
     Very often that family time is what OOT family want. Also, old school chums or former hometown friends may want to meet each other without families. They are not looking to make life long friends with the wp or the other family, so meeting everyone once at the wedding is fine.

     If the wedding party are OOT and only coming just before the wedding, you are stuck, if MIL is resistent to changing.   Particularly if all have agreed that this is the one event groom's family is hosting. Good luck!

     Of course, another compromise for a Sat wedding is a Sunday Brunch with your OOT guests, & not involving the wedding party (or the other family) is Okay. Once the wedding is done, separate entertaining is great.

Report Abuse

REPLY QUOTE Private Message

Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > General Wedding Etiquette > Rehearsal dinner: who to invite?

SEARCH BOARDS

choose another board

HOT TOPICS

Home | Planning Tools | Ideas & Advice | Wedding Gowns | Local Wedding Vendors | Wedding Registry Center | Wedding Gift Store | Community | Wedding Websites I Privacy Policy Terms of Use | Newsletters | Advertise With Us | Company Info | Survey | Guest Home | Order Status | CelebrityWeddingBuzz.com | MyDIYWeddingDay.com | TheKnot.com TheNest.com | ShopforWeddings.com | WeddingTracker.com | TheBump.com | LilaGuide.com | Weddings.com | Weddingbook | Mommyhood | BreastFeeding.com | LilaGuide.com|PartySpot.com
© 1997-2009 WeddingChannel.com | HELP | Couples Directory | Site Map

Planning a Wedding - Wedding Planning Guide - Wedding Planning Ideas