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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec
Should i invite a co-worker?
General Wedding Etiquette
Should i invite a co-worker?
<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>
I have been planning my wedding for over a year and a half (the wedding is two months away and I'm just about ready to send out all the invites) and I work at a bank but the location that I work at is
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General Wedding Etiquette
Should i invite a co-worker?
<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>
I have been planning my wedding for over a year and a half (the wedding is two months away and I'm just about ready to send out all the invites) and I work at a bank but the location that I work at is
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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8
Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8Discussion:07939765-b428-47aa-8e41-187bd7c6f90a

Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > General Wedding Etiquette > Should i invite a co-worker?

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Forums  >  General Wedding Planning Topics  >  General Wedding Etiquette  >  Should i invite a co-worker?

Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 6/30/2009 11:03 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I have been planning my wedding for over a year and a half (the wedding is two months away and I'm just about ready to send out all the invites) and I work at a bank but the location that I work at is really small, I have about 5 co-workers there. We recently had someone switch to a different location and hired someone new (roughly 2 months ago). I have had my list of people to invite done for quite awhile  and i dont want to add anymore guests but now I'm not sure if I need to add this person. Being that I work in such a small office all of us are pretty good friends so my wedding is always talked about at work so the new guy obviously knows about it. Problem is I don't really like this guy and neither does most of the others at my office. I was the one that trained him and this guy just rubs me the wrong way. We all suspect that he is doing drugs and stealing while at work and we all think that its only a matter of time before he gets fired ( I had a customer today say that this guy pocketed $500 from a deposit she brought in that he ran!). Plus I'm not all that comfortable around this guy nor have I ever met his wife to make it a joint invitation if it comes down to that I should invite him. I'm not a confrontational person at all so I dont want to have to argue with this guy on why everyone else but him got an invite to the wedding. What do I do? I really honestly dont want him at my wedding, I don't want to waste an invitation if hes just going to get fired in the near future, that and if he gets fired what if hes dumb enough to still show up? If i should just suck it up and invite him do I invite the wife I've never met? I'm just so confused as to what the right way to play this one out. PLEASE HELP!!!
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/1/2009 12:11 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Hi,
I think that since you do not even remotly sound as if you like or want this person there that I would invite him. If you were at least cordial with him I would say to at least send ut an invite.However,this doesn"t seem to be the case.If you do decide to invite hima nd he gets fired beforehand I would think he would be embarrased to show up at your wedding after a termation.Let us know what you decide.Sorry I didn't do the poll but I had too much to add.It wasn't a simple yes or no for me.Smile
Cindy
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/1/2009 8:17 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 You can not NOT invite one half ofa married couple.  It doesn't matter if you have never met the spouse. If you invite a married man or woman, you have to invite their spouse.

That being said, I don't understand why you are stressing about this.  Clearly, you are not friends w/ this guy. There is no reason to invite him at all. In fact, since it doesn't sound like you get along w/ him at all, he'd probably prefer not to get an invitation. Then he doesn't have to worry about a gift.  :-)  Good luck! 
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/1/2009 8:56 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I would not invite him. If he asks, I would say that you had already made out the invitatins before he came to work with you and given a head count to the caterer. It sounds like you do not like him at all anyway, so don't worry what he thinks or says. From what you have explained, it sounds like he will not be there for much longer anyway.

Don't worry about this. Your wedding should be for your friends and family that you want there. And your co-workers would probably be much happier there without him!
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/1/2009 9:38 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 If you work at a bank and you suspect (along with others) that this guy is stealing, what makes you think that he's not going to try to walk off with the gift card basket at your wedding?? Besides, you do not like him and you are not friends with him. Just because you work with somebody doesn't mean you should invite them to the most intimate ceremony of your life. Heck, I work with 60 people but I dont' think I'm inviting any of them because I'm not close with them. I think if you invite this guy to your wedding, it could mean bad news. If he's already got sticky fingers, he might feel free to sample the bartender's tip jar or as I previously said, walk away with the card basket. I say definitely don't invite him. One rule I'm following for who I invite to my wedding is asking myself, "Have I spent time with this person in the past year or two? Have we kept in touch since then? Do I see us being friends in the next 5 years?" If the answer is no to any one or two of these questions, I don't think I'm going to invite them.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/2/2009 12:20 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 alright i think i have decided to not invite this guy. I talked to the only other girl i work with at my office who just got married 2 months ago right when he started (she obviously didnt invite him) and she agrees that if he makes me uncomfortable and whatnot that i shouldnt have him there. I should be surrounded by people that i want to spend the most important day of my life with not drug using stealers that i invited just because i work with them. i have a second job and im not inviting everyone from there so who is saying that i have to invite everyone from my fulltime job? What i decided to do is just inform my co-workers that are invited that i would prefer that the talk about whos coming and whos not to a minimum.  Out of all the people ive asked for advice maybe 2 people told me to give this guy a pity invite and just cross my fingers that he knows im not a fan of him and that he will reply no. I dont want to risk it im just not going to invite him and if he asks why im just going to say that we had a set guest list for about 6 months or more and that we dont have the room or the money to add anyone else, i mean thats a nice way to put someone down right?
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Re: Should i invite a boss

posted at 7/7/2009 8:53 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I am having the same issue. Except this person is my boss. I work in a fairly small office. My wedding is not for another year and this person is the newest of the team and I don't care for them at all and neither does anyone else. They have been here since I have been engaged. I don't want them there at all; but being that it is office I feel that I have too. What do I do?

I will invite the CEO of the company and 4 other people. Would it be a slap in the face if I don't invite the "one" ? 

I too an hoping that this person will be gone soon-fired, but who knows when that will happen.

Help me!!
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 9:32 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 NO  definately do not invite him.  IF he does have the nerve to ask about it just say oh. I didn't know you considered us friends, especially since I've never even met your wife.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 9:36 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 No do not invite that boss.  You have a long time to wait & it may work itself out, (ie. he gets transfered),
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 9:46 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Don't invite the boss.   If you don't like him professionally you definetely don't want to invite him into your personal life.

If he asks simply say that you wanted to keep things professional since he is your boss and you the employee and you didn't feel it is appropriate to invite him to your wedding.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 11:14 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 This will work for several social situations.  If you do not wish to invite your boss, simply indicate that it would cross a professional line for management to fraternize with their subordinates.  This is acceptable (and enforced) in many companies. 
As far as your co-worker, he's only been there two months.  Not enough time to make an invitation a requirement.  I would keep the wedding chatter down to a minimum when he is around, though.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 11:18 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 You should just tell him that you wanted to invite him, but you already had everything locked in... the tables are full, the invitations are printed, and you just really can't add guests last minute without a lot of extra work.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 11:27 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 My fiance and I have had similar discussions about our work situation... we met at work, so everyone there knows both of us.  I'm pretty sure they all expect an invite.  There are some of them that I would like there, and others that I don't want there.  I don't think I can invite a few coworkers and not invite them all though... especially since some of the ones I do not want invited would have no idea that I disliked them or that there is any reason I wouldn't want them there.
At this point I'm thinking about not inviting any of them and just telling them it's a small wedding, so we're only inviting family and one close friend each.
At the same time, I think we'd both really like to invite our boss and his wife.  He's been more than just a boss, I've known him for five years and my fiance has known him for almost four.... he's been a reference for both of us.  If I do this I can't claim that we're just inviting family.... what do I say?  I have a feeling that even if we asked our boss not to say anything to the others it would get out.... things usually do.  Would it be rude to just invite our boss and his wife?  What do we say to our other co-workers?
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 1:27 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 That your boss is also a close personal friend b/c you have known him so long.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 2:36 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Cornelia, if you are inviting the CEO of the company and 4 co workers then I think you have to invite your boss. If you were just inviting coworkers I'd say you could get away w/o inviting him, but since you are inviting the CEO [unless the CEO is a relative or really close friend], that you have to invite the boss. Chances are he will decline if he barely knows you.  But yeah, you kind of have to invite him - otherewise, don't invite the CEO and just invite the co-workers who are at your same level and not in management.  Good luck.   
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 2:54 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I say No!  And if he asks, the list was done, your families are paying for it and you can't add. 
About his job, are these thefts or suspicions being reported?  I work in a Bank and this guy would be under investigation while suspended based on what you said.

Good luck!! And Have a wonderful wedding!!!
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 3:44 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 No you to not have to. Not only that if you don't like him then don't invite him.  And if he is a thief you do not want him around your wedding gifts.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/7/2009 4:05 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 erinemulhern the thefts and whatnot are being looked into but he still however is working, hes not suspended or anything which is crazy. Good thing though is a totally dodged a bullet with this guy and having to invite him. Because of all the complaints on him and the management knowing he is basically tearing apart our crew he was transfered to a different office! Now i dont have to invite him.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 9:03 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 You are under no obligation to invite him.   First of all, your list was already planned sometime ago and it, no doubt, means that your wedding budget is spent.  If you keep adding people (especially those you don't want to come), it only means that you and are your husband to be is responsible for footing the bill afterwards.  Why put yourself through that?   Just say, "No, we are not inviting anymore people" and call it a day.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 9:16 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I say no to inviting him.  Don't worry about what he is going to think.  It is your wedding.  Not his.  If you consider the other co-workers friends, then fine.  That is why you are inviting them.  If he is really miffed that he wasn't invited then just tell him that you have known the other co-workers longer.  Not sure if this is an ideal resolution in your book.  But that is what I would do. 
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 9:31 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 My wedding is Aug 29 and I went through all of this in my head too. We are with these people ALL DAY EVERYDAY! It seems like you have to invite them in a way. What I did, was instead of making it personal, I just gave it to a manager and she stuck it up on the cork board! So now... I'm hoping they all forget, or since they didn't get an individual to each of their homes inviting their families, etc that they just won't feel the need to come. It's actually working too. Out of 12 people there has only been one say they are coming, and that is just to the ceremony! So it works out. When you are a busy bride-to-be, you do need to be proactive, I know, but honestly part of you can not worry about every little detail, every single person that will or will not come, just have to say "It'll work itself out" cuz it so will.

Happy Planning!
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 9:34 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Cornelia - You're in a tough situation - because you are inviting your CEO and other coworkers, common practice in a small office setting says that you need to invite your boss.  However, you have a year.  You don't need to make that decision until 6-8 weeks before your wedding.  I would add your boss and your boss' spouse/partner to your guest list and then see what comes as the time draws nearer.  You may decide not to invite your boss or the CEO.  You may also decide to simply invite these coworkers to the dance portion of your evening, and not the dinner.  Sit on it for a while.  Good luck!
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 9:35 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I agree, you should definitely not invite him. If you don't even like him, he should not be at your wedding. Good luck!
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 9:37 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 If you don't even like this guy and he's new to work, why invite him?  Many  legitimate reasons to not invite him:  1) Weddings are expensive!  You can't just invite everyone you know of.   2) It's your day, and you don't even like him, would his presence add to your wedding in any way?  I don't see it.  3) Not only that you dont like him, he might be a thief! For someone  you don't know that well, and who might be not the best of character, would you want him around for your special day?  (I hope you are answering no to this lol)

You were planning this wedding before you knew of his existence, you are not obligated to invite him. If he's a decent person, he'd understand, if he doesn't, then you did the right decision b/c he sucks as a person to not be understanding and thinkthat he's "entitled" to be at your wedding for being merely a new co-worker. 

Just say NO! :)
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 9:39 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 xmeriwetherx, I think it's acceptable to invite your boss and not any of your coworkers.  In many work situations, it is expected that the boss is invited, even simply as a courtesy.  A coworker (and close friend) of mine was recently married, and he simply said that because of the extent of the work environment, there was no way to "draw lines" acceptably.  So he chose to invite no coworkers.  I think people will understand that, especailly if they are your close friends.  Another option is to post a "dance-only" invite on the work bulletin board where everyone will see and everyone will be invited to the dance portion only.  No RSVP required, no dinner worries for you, and those who want to can join in later.  Good luck!
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 10:00 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I too work in a small office plus I have several employees/coworkers that have switched to other locations that I still keep in touch with and want to invite. I am not inviting everyone from my office and I do not feel guilty about it. They all know it's an intimate affair (150 people) and that many of my family aren't even invited (we both have a huge family). The best way to invite all the other coworkers is to send them each an email requesting their home mailing address. I would recommend not passing out the invitations at work.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 10:10 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 To all of the ladies with co-worker dilemas, who to invite, who not to invite, etc:  I've been having the same mental battle with myself too and not just with regard to co-workers but some "friends" and extended family...We get so worked up about who we'll offend by inviting or not inviting, but for the people we're stressing over, it's probably not really at the front of their minds, and not as big of a deal as we're making it.. I think it might help to look at it from the other way around.  If they were the ones getting married would YOU want to be invited to their wedding, and therefore feel obligated to buy them a gift even if you wouldn't go?  If not, then don't inivite them--they probably couldn't care less anyway if they don't get an invite.
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/10/2009 11:12 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Of course no...I wouldn't bother a minute or waste my time on the subject. you don't trust him and you don't like him, so why invite him? I work in office environment, and I just invited 4 people with their guests to my wedding. I even asked my boss if he wanted to go, and he responded to safe that invitation for someone I consider special enough to go to my wedding. This is your wedding for your enjoyment and happiness, and you deserve to have that special day around your family and special friends. NOT for everyone else. Smile
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/11/2009 3:20 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Don't invite him! It is YOUR wedding! Why would you invite someone you don't feel comfortable being around? Make yourself happy, girl! Don't worry about what no one thinks....you run the show!
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Re: Should i invite a co-worker?

posted at 7/12/2009 9:19 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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You should be surrounded by those whom you like, love, and deeply care for on your big day, not some sleaze. Since you and your other co-workers have a tight friendship, they should get invites if you can afford to invite them. The newbie can sit this one out-you don't like him and you definitely don't owe him anything.
If he's dumb enough to show up uninvited, have him thrown out on his bum by security and keep the party going.
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