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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec

Thank You Letters

General Wedding Etiquette

Thank You Letters

<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>

Ladies, I know you'll tell me if I'm over-sensitive on this. I went to two weddings in early September. I have yet to receive a thank you from either. I suppose what I find irritating is these people

True

General Wedding Etiquette

Thank You Letters

<font color="#ffffff">From the big decisions to the little details, discuss wedding day basics here.</font>

Ladies, I know you'll tell me if I'm over-sensitive on this. I went to two weddings in early September. I have yet to receive a thank you from either. I suppose what I find irritating is these people

Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:ca593c8a-9d29-4c6f-ac16-bce735c238a8

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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > General Wedding Etiquette > Thank You Letters

Thank You Letters

posted at 10/27/2009 6:50 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

Lorie0322

Joined on
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ST. LOUIS

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Last: 11/22/2009

Ladies, I know you'll tell me if I'm over-sensitive on this.

I went to two weddings in early September. I have yet to receive a thank you from either.

I suppose what I find irritating is these people are friends on facebook and I know their social lives are great. How about staying home and writing a few thank you's to send out?

It's about 8 weeks on one and 7 weeks on the other. Is it too soon for me to expect a thank you?

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/27/2009 7:09 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

768071070645597...

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NEW JERSEY

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Last: 10/27/2009

I read the new etiquette on Thank You's is to have them sent out within 3 months of the wedding... I agree with you -- people should spend some time writing thank you notes and pay respect to everyone who sent them a gift...

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/27/2009 7:33 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

laurenandchad

Joined on
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NORTH CAROLINA

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Posts: 26

First: 6/10/2009

Last: 10/27/2009

For me....I will probably be sending out our thank yous within a month after we get married, but I have also heard that 3 months should be your maximum to send them out!

Can't wait to be Mr. and Mrs.!!

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/27/2009 8:54 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

ublawschoolbrid...

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Oh Laurie you seem to read my mind sometimes. I was thinking this morning how annoyed I was that I hadn't received a thank you card from a wedding I went to a month ago. While I realize this is a little ridiculous, I spent a lot of time and effort flying out to New Mexico for the wedding. I just don't think it takes that long to sit down and write a note. I've received one engagement gift (didn't have an engagement party) and I literally wrote the thank you card the following day. I don't expect most people to do this, but still.

So yeah, I get where you're coming from. You're irritation is rationale in my mind. 2-3 months may be the rule, but it should be sooner. Long honeymoons and extensive guests lists can be given a couple extra weeks in my book.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/27/2009 9:29 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

banana2007

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First: 5/8/2009

Last: 11/19/2009

I can't blame you. Luckily the only TY DH and I are "owed" is for weddings we just attended.

And the 3 month thing is max. Just like you don't want your guests to wait until the very last day to respond, your guests don't want to wait until the 3 month mark to get the note either.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/28/2009 8:24 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

soinlove

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Last: 11/20/2009

if it makes you feel any better i just got a thank you note for birthday party i attended in mid august. for a 3 year old. there were about 30 of us there. it sweet and thoughtful though and even had a line about them being sorry it took so long.

i also attended a 5 year olds bday party in october. this one i know i will get a note for but it will be a photo card that is pre-printed with (and i can almost quote word for word because i get them from this family often enough) "thank you for coming to my party. I had a great time and love all my presents. Love ______".

i'm not a stickler for receiving TY's as long as i know they got my gift, although i do appreciate them when they are heartfelt. but for weddings you run into that sticky situation where you can't be positive they got your gift unless they actually cashed a check or sent you a prompt note.

these couples may be waiting on photographer picture cards as well, which i've noticed a lot more of these days.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/28/2009 8:49 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

KitKat

Joined on
01-23-2009

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Posts: 235

First: 5/14/2009

Last: 11/16/2009

I'm still waiting on my thank yous from the last three weddings I attended - the first one was over three years ago.

I was married Oct 10th, but I haven't started on my thank you's yet because I am waiting for my photographer to get back to me with the photos since we are using one as the thank you card. I'm hoping I get them within the next week so I can get started. If not, I might have to do normal thank yous just to get them done.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/28/2009 9:30 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

efriedrich90024...

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NEW YORK

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Posts: 89

First: 7/15/2009

Last: 11/13/2009

we went to a 30th birthday party for my fiance's friend's wife 9 months ago. we gave her a very nice present, we never received a thank you note for it. their wedding was over a year ago, when i ask michael occasionally if he ever got anything for the birthday, i'll add, and did we ever get a ty for their wedding? the answer is always no. some people are just rude.

engagement presents have been trickling in for us, i write the note the night it comes. we are going on a two week honeymoon immediately after the wedding, but i plan on having the notes out within a month after getting back.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/28/2009 9:33 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

Happy1

Joined on
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First: 5/8/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know that people are supposed to get TY's out ASAP and yes, I was one who had all the TYs written and sent within 2 weeks from our wedding. And we had over 300 TYs to write out.

Still, I always view it like this-I don't know what's going on in someone else's life. What if they've gotten sick? What if work is swamped? What if there's something else going on in their lives that I don't know about?

Would I like a TY eventually? Sure, it's nice to get one. But I'm not going to watch the calendar waiting to get one. And I've never held a grudge against someone for not sending one out either. I figure they probably just don't know any better. Doesn't make it right but I'm not about to waste my energy on negativity over a piece of paper that I'm going to throw out anyway. :)

Just my personal view. ;)

Nikki :D

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/28/2009 11:24 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

jdullo218

Joined on
05-04-2009
PHOENIX

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Posts: 109

First: 9/25/2009

Last: 11/22/2009

We just got married on Sunday and I am going to start writing my thank-yous this week. We are going to place a wallet size picture of us in the card, considering that some of the gifts came from people who were not able to come, but I will have to wait for the pictures too!!
Proper ettiquete says up to 3 months- But, that was from a time when newlyweds were taking 2 week honeymoons and moving in together AFTER the wedding, so they needed the full 3 months. I got my shower thank-yous out a weeka and a half after the shower, I really wanted my guests how apreciated their kindness was!!!

Mrs. Jean Flores
October 25, 2009

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/28/2009 11:57 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

Ariel81916

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BOSTON

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First: 5/8/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

It's not too soon to expect it, Lorie, but you might not want to hold your breath.

I'm sure I complained about this at some point or another around here, but I went to a wedding in mid-May and didn't get the thank-you until sometime in late August. It bugged me mostly because the check was cashed before they even left on their honeymoon. Turned out they were waiting for photographs to make their cards - which did look nice, but were also pre-printed with most of the message. I don't really understand what is so difficult about writing "Thanks for joining in our day. Love, Bride and Groom" on each one instead of having it printed -- I'm hoping that everyone else got an individualized note in addition (mine did), but there's no way for me to know that.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/29/2009 11:51 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com

Lorie0322

Joined on
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First: 5/9/2009

Last: 11/22/2009

I too was one of those that got the thank you out ASAP. We had all of our thank you's out within 4 weeks of the wedding and one of those weeks we were on the honeymoon. Gifts we received early I wrote the thank you when we got them.
We just went on vacation and stopped at his cousins house in Atlanta on our way to Florida. She kept us overnight and fed us dinner and breakfast. She went to the trouble to make grape leaves for Matt since she knows he likes them.

Within 2 days of us returning home we sent a thank you card. As well as we brought her and her husband a small box of candy from a local candy company here when we arrived. My mother has ingrained in me you always bring something for your host/ess.

It's not going to ruin my life over not getting a thank you (and I may still get one) but I'm not sure where manners have gone.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/29/2009 2:35 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

LittleBean

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RHODE ISLAND

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Last: 11/20/2009

In Response to Re: Thank You Letters:

My mother has ingrained in me you always bring something for your host/ess. Posted by Lorie0322

Lorie, my mother was the same way. She also insisted that I write thank-you cards even as a child, so I'm always very prompt with them now. It totally irks me when people don't send a card (or send one months later).

One of my mother's sisters was my MOH, and to thank her, DH and I sent her a two-part gift - flowers one day, chocolates the next. She was so speedy with her thank-you cards that we received one just for the flowers...she had to send a second one for the chocolates after she received that part of the gift! :)

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 10/30/2009 2:28 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com

hiccups

Joined on
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CINCINNATI

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Posts: 40

First: 5/11/2009

Last: 11/12/2009

Some people mistakenly believe they have a year to send thank you's... they get this confused, I guess, with guests having a year to send gifts.

We gave DH's sister her wedding present in May (for a June wedding), and we STILL haven't received a thank you. We got one for her shower gift about six weeks after the shower. She's already pregnant, so who knows if the wedding thank you's will be done before she has to do ones for a baby shower!

My shower thank you's were done within three days of the shower, but I think i only had 25 or so to do. Our wedding gifts have been trickling in (we had a DW), so they've been going out within three days of receipt of the gift.

If people have made the effort to get me a gift, I can darn well make the effort to give them a timely thank you.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/2/2009 6:28 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

lzelinsk

Joined on
04-14-2009
MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL

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First: 10/9/2009

Last: 11/9/2009

Last two wedding I have gone to, one took a year to get my thank you, the other one my cousin it has been over a year and I do not think there will be one; no ty you came out for her bridal showe what a surprise. Since my cousin wedding she has already had a baby and a baby shower where we wrote our address on the thank you envelopes for her so she did not even need to address them, 5 months later no ty. Just wondering why they even bothered to buy the ty and have us fill the addresses out if there not going to send them out.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/3/2009 7:02 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

Lorie0322

Joined on
02-04-2008
ST. LOUIS

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Posts: 1077

First: 5/9/2009

Last: 11/22/2009

It irritates me to not get a thank you. For my friends who are still having children it usually means less generous gifts in the future for baby showers, etc.

If I go to the trouble to give a gift I expect two minutes (or less) to be spent writing a thank you card.

I'm not holding my breath about the last two weddings.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/3/2009 7:20 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

RebMik

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Posts: 182

First: 8/10/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

FH and I went to a wedding in September that we never even received an invitation to! He was the usher, so I guess it was expected he would come with or without one. Still would have been nice, esp. since we had to drive over 8 hours to get there... Anyway, still have not received a ty.

FH said he talked to them and they said thank you on the phone as they were about to hang up. We forgot the present at home, but sent it the day we returned. FH asked if they got it and that is when they said "yes and ty". Am I being unreasonable when I feel like we should get a handwritten note? Re-reading what I wrote, maybe that was as good as it was going to get and maybe I need to be grateful for that... Who knows..

I know that I will be sending TY immediately. Seems a shame that manners are not what they used to be...

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/3/2009 1:13 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

shelle1214

Joined on
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BALTIMORE

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Posts: 313

First: 8/3/2009

Last: 11/18/2009

Everyone should get an invite to the wedding, even the wedding party. I handed my invites to my mom and sister, but EVERYONE else is getting one stamped and in the mail. Seems to me your B&G just wanted to go the cheap route and save on sending invites to those they "assumed" would be there. What about your MOH best friend who might of like to see what the invite looked like? Or your FG who loves to scrapbook and had an idea to put your invite in one? Guess their SOL...but at least the B&G saved themselves some $$...

I also think it's rude to not send ty cards for things. I sent my shower ty's out a week after the shower. I think it is nothing more than either complete laziness, or someone just not knowing any better. You gotta figure if the parents never sent your parents a ty, they're teaching their kids to do the same. Bad manners have to be passed down somehow....

My sister knew she had to send ty cards, got the ty cards as a shower gift, and still (been married 8 years) has yet to send them.

I refuse to be like that. Someone goes out of their way to do something nice i can take 5 seconds to hand write a proper ty card. Even to think you may have a 250-300 person wedding, but most of the guests are pairs and groups...it's not that difficult.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/3/2009 2:27 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

kpwedkk

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First: 5/5/2009

Last: 11/17/2009

Hi Lorie,
I understand where you are coming from, we were pretty prompt by sending out thank you cards within 3 weeks of getting married. I think it's important to acknowledge everyone that gave a gift in these hard times.

I did it in person, over the phone, and finally by thank you. You don't know how many times that guests were mad until they got that thank you note in the mail.

I think it's ridiculous if newlyweds can think that they can cut out the cost of thank you cards out of their budget.

You end up with resentful friends and family. What is the consequence of this? You hurt your really good friends, and family over not acknowledging a gift that they went out and looked for you --- taking time, effort, thoughts, and their hard earned cash.

I mean, Lorie, do you already feel like if these couples have other events in their lives, will you put forth that same umpfh that you did for their wedding, or just get something off the shelf, or not get anything at all, or even decline to attend?

These are choices that one has to make.

There was a couple that just came into a great deal of inheritance, they showed up to our wedding and reception, but suprise, suprise, no gift, no warning, no nothing... That's the opposite, but what to do.

I hope the newer generation understands in a world of internet, and email, and texting, that handwriting is still very important...

Hope that helps,

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart."

~ Mrs K ~
~ March 21st 2009 ~

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/4/2009 4:52 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Lorie0322

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First: 5/9/2009

Last: 11/22/2009

kp, you are right. I will not go into gift giving for these couples with the same enthusiasm I had for the wedding if they have another gift giving event.

What makes it worse is I see on facebook what their social lives are looking like. I'm thinking, hey how about staying home a few nights and sending out some thank you cards?

We had a lot of people show up at the wedding and not bring a gift. It took me a while to get over it since we're usually thoughtful with gifts and the hubster has been overly generous with his family and some friends. It's disappointing but it is what it is. I finally had to let it go and focus on what's important.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/4/2009 5:18 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

anomaliza

Joined on
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OKLAHOMA CITY

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First: 9/2/2009

Last: 11/7/2009

Lorie,

I understand you. The pragmatist in me says "Don't hold your breath or it'll just create a bug in your ear that you won't get rid of," but still I am disappointed when I don't see people extending simple courtesies.

Your comment on facebook actually struck a chord - my friends and I are all in an age group where facebook use is very popular and it irritates the $&%# out of me when my friends expect me to check their facebook to find out what is going on in their lives. If I'm friends with someone I expect them to be able to pick up the phone and call me once in awhile instead of thinking there are hundreds of people hanging on for their last tweet or their last whatever. I wouldn't even mind if they kept pictures on a blog and sent me a personalized email saying "Check out pictures of our new living room!" But Facebook and Twitter are not substitutes for social grace - they do not take the place of a phone call, a thank you note, or a lunch date.

Sorry if I got derailed, I think that particular button of mine just reset. :)

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/12/2009 12:19 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Lorie0322

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First: 5/9/2009

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I got a thank you letter yesterday and it was so nice it was worth the wait. One down, one to go.

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/12/2009 9:21 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

CJSmiles2010

Joined on
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First: 10/1/2009

Last: 11/19/2009

I am glad you got one ty finally. I can understand your frustration. In this modern world of techies it is still nice to have an old fashion custom of a hand written note. I even keep cute blank note cards on hand to send out a 'hey there' note to special people in my life.

I have always been quick to send out my thank yous. For my housewarming party and engagement party, I mentioned what I received and how I planned to use it in my home. I received many nice pictures and frames as gifts then. So now when my guest come to my home they can see what I had done with it.

Mrs. in 2010 :)

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Re: Thank You Letters

posted at 11/12/2009 10:42 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

WhatawagSBNy

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Last: 11/22/2009

In Response to Re: Thank You Letters:

I got a thank you letter yesterday and it was so nice it was worth the wait. One down, one to go.
Posted by Lorie0322

    At last!

     I believe in writing them promptly myself, but long ago learned to expect them in 3-4 months rather than 6 weeks. Less worry and frustration, more happy surprise when they are earlier.
     The rudeness of those who just never do bother makes me think less of those people though.

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