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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec
Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???
Wedding Drama
Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???
<font color="#ffffff">Your future mother-in-law said what?! Got a sticky situation? Get advice on friends, family, and more!</font>
I have always pictured my sister and my best gf helpin me down the aisle. Plus, you would think that with my long history of cheerleading I would have more girlfriends than I would know what to do wit
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Wedding Drama
Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???
<font color="#ffffff">Your future mother-in-law said what?! Got a sticky situation? Get advice on friends, family, and more!</font>
I have always pictured my sister and my best gf helpin me down the aisle. Plus, you would think that with my long history of cheerleading I would have more girlfriends than I would know what to do wit
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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Wedding Drama > Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

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Forums  >  General Wedding Planning Topics  >  Wedding Drama  >  Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/27/2009 9:47 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Last: 11/8/2009


 I have always pictured my sister and my best gf helpin me down the aisle. Plus, you would think that with my long history of cheerleading I would have more girlfriends than I would know what to do with. But here I am 10months before my wedding with no bridesmaids. My sister: She joined the Navy, so no garentees she will be able to make it back. My best gf?? Well your guess is as good as mine, I asked her to stand up with me and now MIA. No worries she is alive and well just not wanting to communicate with me more than once a month..if that. I asked a college friend as well but she got a great intership opportunity out of state...so she wont be able to make it back. What am I supposed to do?? We moved a lot when I was a kid never staying anywhere for longer than 3 yrs. Since I quit partyin and drinkin all my supposed 'friends' from college havent been anywhere in sight. My fiancee has the opposite problem, he lived in the same town his whole life and has a large group of super close friends, not to mention brothers. I feel so lost and like I have no girl friends. I will end up without bridesmaids...Help me please!
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/27/2009 11:48 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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MINNEAPOLIS-ST. PAUL
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Last: 11/9/2009


 Honestly I reccomend family over friends for wedding party. Your friends do tend to change over time as you move on in your life (high school, college, real world...), but your family you will always have. I do have my college roommate as my maid of honor and another friend as a bridesmaid but the other three bridesmaids are family. Even if your sister is gone is there anyone your close to on your fiance side of the family, or any of your cousins. I have my fiance sister, and his cousin who I am close with as well as my brothers wife.
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/28/2009 7:32 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Last: 11/20/2009

Does your FH have any sisters or cousins that you like and get along really well with? I have no sisters, but my DH has 2, and they were both BMs. Another one was my cousin.

As for your bff - remember that your wedding is 10 months away. No one is going to be as excited as you are about getting married. She may not think that there is anything to do  yet. Why don't you try calling her just to hang out and keep that friendship established? Or find out what is going on in her life, and why she doesn't seem to want to talk as much.

I had a close friend that I used to work with. We hung out a couple times a week - many times after work. After I quit my job (and she was well aware of the troubles I was having at the location where I worked - we worked at seperate stores in the same company) she quit returning my phone calls as much. We have hung out once in the last year, and maybe talked a half dozen times. Her excuse is that she is always busy - which I know she is - but basically I think our lives just grew apart. She didn't even make it to our wedding, after swearing that she wouldn't miss it for the world.

Now she got a promotion and moved out of state, saying she would call with the deets. Never happened. So I left a voice mail congratulating her and left it at that.

It hurts, but sometimes we just grow apart from people. As we grow up and mature, things that mattered to us before - like partying all night, or going out to the bars with friends - just don't matter that much. I think that's part of what happened with me. And - it's a fact of life - once you have a serious relationship, you tend you have more obligations, and may not see your friends as much.

The ones who truly matter are the ones who love you for who you are, not what you do. They're the ones who can adapt to the fact that your life is changing, and while you may not want to party all night at the club anymore, you are still a great person.

Maybe you should reexamine who you true friends are. You may be surprised as to who the most supportive people are.

I'm not saying to discount your bff. You should definately talk to her and find out what's up. She could very well just be wrapped up in her own life right now, with nothing against you.

Good luck!
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/28/2009 10:57 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Last: 10/28/2009


 Also, it's okay to not have any bridesmaids! Maybe your groom can just choose one best man... but it doesn't even matter if the wedding party is uneven anymore. good luck!
Carolyn
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/28/2009 1:51 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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ST. LOUIS
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Last: 11/19/2009


 I agree with Misma and Carolyn.  If you or your FI has sisters or cousins that you are close to or perhaps want to get a closer friendship.  Nothing like a wedding to bring you together.  Or just have one person you want to stand up and your FI do the same.

Mrs. in 2010 :)
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/28/2009 2:53 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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RHODE ISLAND
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 Are you close with your mother or any aunts? An older female relative can be part of your wedding party as well. My mother is deceased, but were she alive when I got married, she absolutely would've been my MOH. As it was, one of her sisters stood in for her instead.

Also, do you have any close guy friends? Your wedding party doesn't have to be all women!   :)
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/28/2009 8:18 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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ORANGE COUNTY
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Last: 10/28/2009


 My best guy friend is gay and I'd love to have him in my wedding party. He isn't friends with my FH though so he can't be a groomsman but he can't be a bridesmaid either. And if he were, he'd be wearing a suit and it wouldn't match with the rest of the girls.  I'm very picky about having it look good so that kinda leaves me stuck. I guess I can find another role for him.
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/29/2009 10:16 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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ST. LOUIS
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Last: 11/6/2009


 This is for Queen - I had a gay male bridesman, and I don't think it looked bad at all. I actually got a lot of compliments about how cool it was that I included him. My bridesmaids wore short black dresses and he wore the same tux as the groomsmen. You can always have him wear a tux with a vest to match the dresses. I would think that years from now when you look at your pics, you will be much happier to see your closest friends in them with you and will not be thinking about whether they are all wearing the same thing.
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/29/2009 3:41 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Last: 11/16/2009


 I kinda know where you are coming from. I grew up in 2 different cities through out my childhood. The cities are about 30 mins apart but when you move during middle school most of your friends just cant come see you and you lose touch. I have a 13 siblings and I am the 4th to get married and the only one that has BMs. The 2 oldest have a ton of friends but didnt want to deal with the whole BM scene and I can see why now. They really are for the most part a lot of trouble. Ive been reading a lot of posts about people not knowing what to do with BM's. It seems as though no one really keeps up with who is suppose to do what and when you need help they are no where to be found...that topic can go on and on

My point is that my the 2 oldest sisters of mine decided to walk down the isle with our mom and dad on either side of them. That way it is really special for everyone. Then they had either a close friend of the family or a relative say a little speach or do a reading for a poem or something that meant a lot to them. It was really nice. They didnt have to worry about doing all the extra stuff that comes with the BMs scene like gifts, dresses, less people to pay for at the wedding. So its not a bad thing to not have BMs and there are other alternatives.

However most women have had a vision of their wedding since they were very young and its hard to give up on something you have dreamed about for such a long time. And for me part of my dream was to have BM's. As an alternative to BM's if that is what you really really want but you are low on GF's i would ask your FH if there are any females that are really close and important to him that he would like to let you borrow. In return if there are any guy friends you have you can loan them to his side.

IF none of that works and you do choose do it with out BM's just explain this to your FH and find another important role for his guy friends. Make up a role if you want. Its your wedding do what ever YOU want to do!Laughing
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 10/29/2009 5:50 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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  I totally agree that you should ask your family memebers.  But once you ask someone to be your bridesmaids, I have few ideas of what is the role of the bridesmaids besides being next to you on that day .. any ideas?  any bridesmaids manual?
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 11/6/2009 12:41 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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First: 9/9/2009

Last: 11/8/2009


 As for his sisters he has one half sister, one sister, and two adopted...but they are all family and close. The kicker with this is 1 two of them and my FMIL have said I cant pick one without having the others and 2 they all fill entitled since my FH was in their weddings....to me that is just rediculous!! I was raised to think that it is the brides decision, I know it ultimately is my decision but I dont want to pick one of them and have the others recenting me.

I do have a lot of cousins but I'm just not really close to any of them. We always hung and played around when we were kids but come teen and adult years we rarely talk other than renuion and Chirstmas time.

As for my bff, I have just tried talkin to her. We went to lunch but it didnt go well. She barely even spoke two words to me. She took a phone call and texted the whole time, barley even looking at me. I tried to talk to her and tell her that it was important but it was like talking to a wall. I cried after I left the restaraunt, it was truely heartbreaking. I already asked her to be a bridesmaid...how do I take that back? She seems to have no interest in being my friend let alone a BM.

Thanks everyone, it really helped seeing other points of view. I really do want bridesmaids, but I dont just want anyone. I am just at a crossroads where some friends just arent true friends anymore.
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 11/6/2009 1:00 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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SEATTLE
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Last: 11/20/2009


 Go rent "I Love You, Man," and laugh until you cry.  Then start thinking about the other people in your life that are important to you.  I would have your future sisters-in-law as part of your wedding party; since they are all very close to your fiance, they will likely continue to be a big part of your life after the wedding as well.  Do you have any work friends?  When is the wedding?  If you still have a bit of time, consider taking up a new hobby as a way to meet people--you never know which one may become a wonderful new friend that you'd love to have involved on your wedding day.
Counting down to 4/3/10!
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 11/8/2009 12:16 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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OMAHA
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Last: 11/8/2009

We are getting married in August so there is still some time. I do love 'I love you man' !

I guess I am having a tough time with his sisters, I'm out numbered and he tends to side with them. So, what am I to do?? Let them in the wedding and then take over everything? I'd end up with plastic table clothes and fake flowers....and who knows what else? I feel like that could happen. I suppose I still have time to work this out. It just sucks.
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Re: Bridesmaids...what bridesmaids???

posted at 11/8/2009 3:01 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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Last: 11/21/2009


 Since your SIL will be invited whether BM or not, one possibility is to make a long range plan:  Decide invitation list, book place for ceremony and reception, and say that you will ask/announce the wedding party after Valentine's Day.  This is plenty of time for ordering bm gowns and men's clothing. Time for any party planning.

     Then use from now to mid Feb to plan your wedding.  Tell FI no "Helpful advice" from anyone til then, just you two.  Once you have set in cement - look and decoration of venues, menu if a meal or appetizers, cloth tablecloths and flowers or other centerpieces you want -   and just your dress, no others.

     By Mid Feb you may find your sister will have some leave coming or be stationed where she can travel, the fact that it is closer may either bring things into focus with BF - more interest, or you fire her.
     We only had a 5 month May to Oct engagement - plenty of planning time.  We talked about marriage months earlier, but concluded  that with 2 of FI's sibs and 2 cousins, and 2 of my sibs and 1 local cousin  all planning spring and summer weddings, we would get inundated with unwanted help and all kinds of rivalries in his family especially .  Those weddings were either in April and early May (over with)  or 95% planned and people sick to death of planning (especially 7 of FI's sisters and 2 SIL, rabid wedding people.)  We had blissful peaceful planning by us.
     I think the idea of all or nothing for 4 sisters is crazy and unfair.  Yet maybe because they are 1 from an earlier relationship, 1 of MIL and FIL together, 2 adopted, the parents feel they have often suffered because no one considered them all equal sisters, and they always were made aware of their different status.
     Saying the hold is because of your sister's military status and "something private" with your best friend (people assume medical? pg? and don't ask)  will buy time.  Maybe by then at least 2 sisters will be pregnant, committed to another wedding, or whatever and the need for a package deal will disappear!  Or your plans will evolve to where it may work for one sister to take care of music CD's and a sound system, and another grow bulbs for centerpieces, and similar "own" one part of planning with bride arrangements so you develop relationships with each but never a group and you.  And for heaven's sake, agree on common guidelines  (wp only, or relatives, or OOT guests too, liquor or no, cook-out or restaurant)  and have MIL be totally responsible for the rehearsal dinner - regardless of who pays-  while you are totally in control of ceremony and reception.
     Divide and conquer - by time, by role or responsibility, by task.  Never you outnumbered by multiple other people.
     Good luck, whatever you decide.   I am one of 8, DH one of 11, our parents each come from larger families where 75 - 90% are local to each other and get involved.  We learned to cope with "too much input" early.  And do pretty well.
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