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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec

Too busy for sex!

Wedding Drama

Too busy for sex!

<font color="#ffffff">Your future mother-in-law said what?! Got a sticky situation? Get advice on friends, family, and more!</font>

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Wedding Drama

Too busy for sex!

<font color="#ffffff">Your future mother-in-law said what?! Got a sticky situation? Get advice on friends, family, and more!</font>

Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:8b0ecf40-d82c-4dd4-a709-f775574bfa5c

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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Wedding Drama > Too busy for sex!

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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Wedding Drama > Too busy for sex!

Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/4/2009 3:23 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

mdbride79

Joined on
05-20-2009
BALTIMORE

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Posts: 19

First: 5/20/2009

Last: 11/10/2009

Eek... so with all the planning going on and the stress and the phone calls, my fiance and I finally had 5 minutes of down time the other day and I realized that it had been weeks since we'd, um, well you know! THen I started freaking out about how our marriage is doomed and we're already like an old married coupole. Did this happen to anyone else? I know they say to sometimes scheudle it in and I just might start doing that, LOL!

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/4/2009 3:58 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

ALF72

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BOSTON

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Posts: 1014

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Last: 11/20/2009

It's totally normal to have lulls.

As for not having enough time, that could be the case. I can see being busy or stressed out for about a week or 2, but after that, you need to be proactive. God invented quickies for a reason. Try it. ;-) Honestly, I can't think of a better stress reliever.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/4/2009 3:59 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

LittleBean

Joined on
12-26-2007
RHODE ISLAND

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Posts: 640

First: 5/7/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

Haha - I worry about being like an old boring married couple already, too. :)

Honestly, if you have to schedule it in, go ahead and do so. Sometimes life/work/stress/etc. just gets in the way and you can't focus on sex the way you used to when you were first dating. It seems unromantic and not spontaneous, but once you get started you'll forget all about whether it was "planned" or not. ;-)

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/4/2009 5:06 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Lorie0322

Joined on
02-04-2008
ST. LOUIS

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Posts: 1071

First: 5/9/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

Once I got us internet service and satellite TV we started turning into an old married couple.

Here's the typical evening with Lorie and Matt. We do eat dinner together at the table and talk about our days, blah blah (adorable hubby makes dinner because he gets home first and he's the better cook). After dinner he does the dishes (because his OCD doesn't like the way I let the dishwasher do them - he washes them in the sink).

I go to my TV in the bedroom and watch my shows. He goes to the family room and watches his TV until about 8:30 when he comes up and falls asleep in about 5 minutes.

I stay up until about 10:30 and go to sleep. YIPPEE!

In case anyone thinks I'm a total slacker since hubs does the cooking and dishes, I do the laundry and vacuuming.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/4/2009 5:53 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

ublawschoolbrid...

Joined on
06-20-2009
SAN DIEGO

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Posts: 247

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Last: 11/20/2009

In Response to Re: Too busy for sex!:

Once I got us internet service and satellite TV we started turning into an old married couple. Here's the typical evening with Lorie and Matt. We do eat dinner together at the table and talk about our days, blah blah (adorable hubby makes dinner because he gets home first and he's the better cook). After dinner he does the dishes (because his OCD doesn't like the way I let the dishwasher do them - he washes them in the sink). I go to my TV in the bedroom and watch my shows. He goes to the family room and watches his TV until about 8:30 when he comes up and falls asleep in about 5 minutes. I stay up until about 10:30 and go to sleep. YIPPEE! In case anyone thinks I'm a total slacker since hubs does the cooking and dishes, I do the laundry and vacuuming.
Posted by Lorie0322

You're so lucky. my fiance' and I don't have sex as often as we should. Especially considering that we spend 4 months at a time apart. Its hard because we have totally oposite schedules. I'm up at 6 and he's just been in bed for a couple of hours. It happens, don't sweat it. I've tried scheduling sex a couple of times and he HATES it. He thinks it takes the romance and spontenaity out of it. While I agree, I'll take schedule sex over no sex.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/4/2009 8:47 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

LizK

Joined on
07-31-2009
SAN ANTONIO

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Posts: 39

First: 8/10/2009

Last: 11/11/2009

Us too, especially since we took on more job responsibilities. We just look at each other and say "not tonight ok?" We are so tired all the time. This has made both of us think about changing jobs, since we don't want to be like this, we want US time. The summer was great, but we are both teachers of sorts, and fall has been awful. Hope we can work some things out for next semester after we're married.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/4/2009 9:31 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

jdullo218

Joined on
05-04-2009
PHOENIX

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Posts: 106

First: 9/25/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

We have been a pretty active couple since the begining. In the months before the wedding there were times when we would go 4 or 5 days with out anything. Since the wedding and days of not having to do any planning, we are back to normal. These things happen!!

Mrs. Jean Flores
October 25, 2009

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/5/2009 11:04 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

RckStarr

Joined on
02-06-2009
KANSAS CITY

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Posts: 3

First: 11/5/2009

Last: 11/5/2009

It's normal to stress about it...we all have...just wait for the honeymoon when you can unwind and rediscover each other.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/5/2009 11:51 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

misma09

Joined on
06-16-2009
LANSING

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Posts: 882

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Last: 11/20/2009

We were active for the first few months we were together - I'm talking he wanted it twice a day, and I would be the one saying no b/c he was living in his parents basement during that time, and I always felt like there were other people around. (BTW - he's not a slacker, he just wanted to buy a house and didn't want to live in an apt. while he was saving money. He origionally moved in to help with his dad after he had a stroke.)

Anyway, we turned into a married couple pretty fast. Usally we go at it once or twice a week, but back in July/August we only did it once in the 4 weeks preceeding the wedding. (Guess where that one led to? And the ob's office said I was wrong about the conception date, that it was a week to early.)

With us, we're just very comfortable together. We don't HAVE to have it all the time, and frankly, I'm just as happy lying with him on the couch reading while he's watching tv.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/5/2009 1:25 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

kellyeda1stnoel

Joined on
10-19-2009
HOUSTON

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Posts: 13

First: 10/19/2009

Last: 11/19/2009

Yea, when we run out of time we tend to put sex on the back burner, but scheduling sex is not as bad as it sounds. Wehen we 'schedule it' it builds anticipation and excitement. It gives you something to look forward to in the day. But everyone goes through dry spells, but even when you are busy or stressed making time for sex really helps you to reconnect and relax with your love.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/5/2009 2:57 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

svens babygirl

Joined on
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NORTHEAST OHIO

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Last: 11/13/2009

I usually go to bed before the old man, so if I'm in the mood I hint that if he wants it he'll have to come to bed early. Then he usually gets up and goes back in the living room and I go to sleep. But I've made it clear he better get it cause I'm going to sleep if he doesnt and he better not wake me. We used to be all over each other too,but we we're long distance for 5 years so we still only did it on the weekends.You just have to make time if it's that important to you. And sometimes it's just nice to reconnect.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 11:31 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

mrichardson

Joined on
07-28-2009
MILWAUKEE

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First: 11/6/2009

Last: 11/13/2009

Maybe you should wait until you get married to be "doing it" then maybe it would be a little more meaningful- just a thought-

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 11:33 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

643068381904645...

Joined on
01-24-2009
GRAND RAPIDS

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First: 11/6/2009

Last: 11/6/2009

I know how you feel. My fiance and I have been together for 2 yrs now and I can count on one hand how many time we have had sex this year. It's not me it is all him. I have asked questions aobut it and all he can say is that will the kids and dogs he just can relax enough. Does any one have any ideas?

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 11:36 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

kaileesnana

Joined on
09-22-2009
ARKANSAS

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Posts: 2

First: 11/6/2009

Last: 11/6/2009

I was thinking the same thing. Wait for marriage, because that is the way GOD intended it to be. That is the whole purpose for the saying the two shall become one. That is how you bond with your husband or wife.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 11:36 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

AmandaB

Joined on
03-05-2007
OMAHA

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Posts: 1180

First: 5/7/2009

Last: 11/20/2009

This is going to sound dorky and stupid, but it worked for us.

Schedule sex. Have a set date night and let the mood take you away.

DH was working nights, I was working days so there is very little time in there for romance. So what we did was we made his one day off our date night. We'd watch a movie, make popcorn, go out to dinner etc.

Then generally sex followed b/c we were relaxed and enjoying ourselves. It was the one night where we were not allowed to stress about work or anything else.

Make time for sex. Set aside a time where you and your FH are required to not discuss anything that is stressing you out: jobs, wedding planning etc are all off limits.

Then just do something stupid, silly, relaxing or fun. Even if it is just watching the boob tube for a couple of hours.

Read a dirty novel together, watch a racy movie (doesn't have to be porn, but if it floats your boat), DH and I will make a random trip to the porn shop and browse.

Anything that gets you relaxed and in the mindset for love.

Eventually your sex life will come back.

Sex lives sometimes take work and need a kick start when you've been in a rut for awhile. Don't sit around waiting for it to happen spontaneously b/c you will be waiting a LONG time.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 11:38 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

kaileesnana

Joined on
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ARKANSAS

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Posts: 2

First: 11/6/2009

Last: 11/6/2009

I was thinking the same thing. That is the way that God intended it to be. There go the meaning of the two shall become one flesh.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 11:47 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

lvgreb

Joined on
06-17-2009
NEW JERSEY

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First: 11/6/2009

Last: 11/6/2009

well, we normally have sex 1-2x a week as it is, is that normal? we've only been engaged a few months and our wedding is next year. he claims he is too tired during the weekday and i tried scheduling sex and he was totally against it! i am getting SO FRUSTRATED! i feel like an old maid already. is it NORMAL to have sex only 1-2x a week?! this week we only did it 1x because he was sick...

am i paranoid?! he gets really stressed and when i suggest sex as a good stress reliever, he rejects my offer...is that normal?!

help!

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 11:51 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

angellove91810

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I think you should always make time for you and your fiance. No matter how busy you get. When you make time for each other that's what makes a relationship work. Even if you just have time to have a quicky. At lease it's time for you and him. Basically say screw everything else and make time for you and him.Go out on a romantic date go home and have fun!!!!!!

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 11:54 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

lmarkline

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I think we're probably the only couple waiting until we're married...

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 11:56 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

AmandaB

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EVERYONE is different lvgerb. Do not try to compare your sex lives to other people or to statistics on the sex lives of married, non-married, cohabiting and not married etc.

And everyone's sex lives have their ups and downs. I'd be surprised to meet someone who has consistently had the same amount of sex since they time they became sexually active together.

It's normal for life to interfere. It's when you are not having sex AT ALL for weeks or days on end that it becomes a major problem.

I think 1-2x a WEEK is doing pretty darn good.

As my DH puts it, he is not a machine!

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 12:03 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Ariel81916

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Oooh... anyone want to bet this thread was on the monthly email??

(And I first typed "want to bed..." which I almost left because it was punny.)

P.S. At least half of the people who responded before the influx ARE married.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 12:36 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

AmandaB

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She didn't even ask for a moral lecture on waiting till marriage. What does that have to do with what the OP asked?

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 12:50 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

lvgreb

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thank you. you are absolutely right...i just fear that we're losing connection, that's all. there is certainly lots of cuddling, etc. happening. i just worry sometimes

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 1:34 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

design425

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This can actually be a good thing, its kindof fun to 'wait' till after getting married to have sex again. When its been a long time its even better and your honeymoon night could be quite an explosion! After you get married youll have down time again, but you do have to MAKE time for just the two of you.

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/6/2009 1:48 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

AmandaB

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...i just fear that we're losing connection, that's all. there is certainly lots of cuddling, etc. happening. i just worry sometimes

If there is still cuddling, kissing, hand holding etc going on outside the bedroom then you are fine, you aren't losing the connection.

If intimacy stops not only in the bedroom, but also OUTSIDE the bedroom, then you are in trouble and have lost the connection.

My DH gets up for work at 4 am and he is pooped at the end of the day. I'd kill for him to be doing me 1-2x a week b/c I've had sex on the brain since I went off BC.

I am totally jealous of you!

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/7/2009 11:12 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

BeccaBB

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My FI wants it way more than I do, but I want to keep him satisfied so we still do it at least 5 days a week. I've worried about my lack of libido too, and wondered what it will mean for our marriage. I'm hoping its just a temporary, stress-related thing.

I've already told him that we will be abstaining for at least a month before the wedding so our honeymoon will be extra hot. He's not happy but he'll deal. :)

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/7/2009 3:28 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

J Herc

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I wonder.... what is wrong with being an old married couple?

You are getting married to this man because you love him. That should go deeper than just having sex. Don't get me wrong. A good intimate relationship is a healthy and important part of a relationship, but just because you haven't had sex in awhile doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed. All couples go through ups and downs. Sometimes, it is really just more important to cuddle up and get some sleep insted of "getting it on."

But if you really are concerned about it, just talk to him. Communication and openness are two extremely important things. More than sex. Ask him if he is worried, and if you both think it is an issue then make time for eachother!

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/7/2009 4:05 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

bdawn8403

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Nope. Not having any issues with finding the time for it.

I can't imagine scheduling sex. That just takes everything away from it I think.

*The Future Mrs. Wile*

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/7/2009 4:11 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

bdawn8403

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I'll take the 5 days a week.

*The Future Mrs. Wile*

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Re: Too busy for sex!

posted at 11/7/2009 9:52 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

maybride@live.c...

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Please people, stop throwing your "morality" in these forums. If she's asking about reconnecting sexually it means they're sexually active so your "waiting till you're married" doesn't help.

I have a similar problem, we're having sex maybe once a month now and we've been together only three years. I have to say that I'm kinda worried because all kinds of thoughts run through my mind like ' does he not find me attractive anymore' etc.

Even if that's not the case, we humans, being social beings with sex being the most intimate way to connect to your other half, I think it is a legitimate concern.

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