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Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?
Wedding Drama
Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?
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My boyfriend was/is an alcoholic when he was in his early twenties. (I say "is" because they say 'once' an alcoholic, always an alcoholic") We met five years ago, so this was before I even knew him. H
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Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?
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My boyfriend was/is an alcoholic when he was in his early twenties. (I say "is" because they say 'once' an alcoholic, always an alcoholic") We met five years ago, so this was before I even knew him. H
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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Wedding Drama > Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

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Forums  >  General Wedding Planning Topics  >  Wedding Drama  >  Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/28/2009 11:01 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 My boyfriend was/is an alcoholic when he was in his early twenties. (I say "is" because they say 'once' an alcoholic, always an alcoholic") We met five years ago, so this was before I even knew him. He's been sober for 11 years now, and we're very happy.

He's been contmeplating having a sip of champagne at our wedding during the toast.

Would this be a bad idea?
Carolyn
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/28/2009 11:14 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I don't see why not.  If he cannot stop at a sip and falls off the wagon after 11 years, then you shouldn't be marrying this dude b/c he's got bigger problems.

He knows his limits, you should trust him.  If you don't feel like you can, then again you got bigger problems.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/28/2009 11:39 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I say it would be a bad idea.

Being an alcoholic means you can't say no and can't stop at a sip - and, because you know you can't, you don't even tempt yourself, because one sip is falling off the wagon. If it's his first sip in 11 years, bad BAD things may happen -- and it wouldn't be worth the risk to me.

Instead, consider having a nice bottle of sparkling cider or grape juice at your table to pour into toasting glasses. No one will know the difference and you don't run the risk of anything untoward ruining your day.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/28/2009 12:30 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 If he's been contemplating a sip, he really should talk to his sponsor (i'm guessing he may have been/is in AA) or a counselor.  His sponsor/ counselor may be able to help him make the choice, but unfortunately this is HIS choice to make.

Ariel makes a very good point that sparkiling cider is a great alternative and no one will notice the difference.  Good luck with this, and I hope your day goes well.  : ) 
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/28/2009 1:39 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 This post strikes at my heart. Almost everyone in my family is an alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic, including my mother. She was sober for almost 10 years and has recently started having an occasional beer on a hot summer day, perhaps a weak margarita at a family mexican dinner once in a while. I dont see this as a problem because she is exercising control and she doesnt get drink to get drunk, which is one of the main issues of an alcoholic.

I think especially with your fiance having been a drinker when he was in his early 20s, a time when a lot of people drink to excess, and having been sober for this long shows he has gained some control over his desires. I bet he has matured and can exercise greater self-control than he could at that age. It is a special occasion, once in a lifetime. As long as its just a few sips at the toast, I cant see him going nuts and craving more and more. Especially since I doubt his drink of choice was champagne.

I agree with the pp that he should talk it over with his sponsor if he has one, and if not, try an AA meeting and see what they have to say. They have probably dealt with this a lot more than most people and might be able to offer some good advice. In the end its really his decision and what he will be comfortable with. Let him know, too, that if he does have sparkling cider rather than champagne that no one will notice or care.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/28/2009 1:40 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I would also sugguest to have a non-alcohol reception.  It would be a nice way to honor his accomplishment for being sober for 11 years and not tempt him.  His friends and family would understand.  Just a thought on that.  I agree with pp that he should talk to his sponsor about taking a sip or not for help.

Mrs. in 2010 :)
blog post photo

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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/28/2009 1:41 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 i say no. i believe the saying is "one sip is too much and one bottle is never enough"...

he has been sober for 11 years and there are plenty of other ways to celebrate than sipping champagne. not worth the risk of him deciding he loves the drink again. Sparkling cider or grape juice or even ginger ale are all great substitutes.

also, presumably, his 11 years of sobriety are known to family and friends. i think it's great if they DO know that he has chosen an alternate beverage to toast with. this way not only is not compromising his sobriety but he will be demonstrating that he totally commited to following through with it even on the most important celeratory events in life!
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/28/2009 4:48 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 i am a grateful and recovering alcoholic. As a bride... i toasted my wedding with gingerale. None had to know what was in MY GLASS> that was my problem... It the first STEP .1."admission". He should know. If he is truly a recovering person and doing what he should do to maintain that.
We made sure that myself and any of my guests who were like me had non- alcoholic options, of course. Alcoholics should abtain from substances completely!! The prosective "alcoholic" must not drink ever, there is no "sip" for us... it does not work that way.  It is also suggested (in programs of recovery )that one abstain from places where drinks are served. I opted not to have a "dry reception". My husband does not have a drinking problem.
  Many people for spiritual beliefs or for various reasons do this. It is up to the bride and groom to do what they want and up to the guests to honor that wish.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/28/2009 5:07 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I wouldn't do it. Theres to much at stake. Why risk 11 years sobritety for 1 small moment? Maybe you and your new hubby can drink the sparkleing cider together if your not going to have dry reception
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/29/2009 1:06 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 As a recovering alcoholic - BAD IDEA!!  I agree 100% with ValentineBride.

I had a good run of sobriety, and that's how my relapse started - with one innocent sip.  I would say no.  If I do that, there is no way I'll remember my wedding, and I'll probably get arrested - provided I survive it.  Please ask him not to do it... relapse isn't really a great way to start a marriage.

There are some great virgin drinks that mimic the look of champagne, taste amazing, and are a lot less expensive than going with alcohol.  Since a lot of my guest list is also sober, our signature drink is a mixture of 3 parts ginger ale, 1 part pomegranite juice.  It's amazing!

To keep track of specific glasses, there are the little glass charms.  For your FH, you could go really subtle, and use the clip that goes around the charm, but take the charm off so he can look for it, but it isn't so loud.  We did that at my apartment for years.  My glass always had the sombrero.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/29/2009 6:41 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 No.  Very very bad idea.
You could have sparkling cider/white grape juice just for him, no one would care.  Or have it available for those who want it.  I bet many would like that. 
My groom has been sober for 10 years, he won't even eat anything that has a sauce made with alcohol, says the urge to drink is still there sometimes.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/29/2009 10:55 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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It is a horrible idea and a huge red flag.  If he is starting to think he has things under control and can "have a sip" at the wedding, then I would put the wedding on hold until he gets back into active recovery with AA or whatever other program(s) he's been involved with.  I'm not kidding.

What about if you say:  "Honey, I've been thinking about it, and I think we should toast with sparkling cider.  I want you to know how important your sobriety is to me, and toasting with the cider would be like another wedding vow, that I promise to support you in your efforts to stay healthy." 

Best of luck! 


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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/29/2009 11:01 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 I dont see this as a problem because she is exercising control and she doesnt get drink to get drunk, which is one of the main issues of an alcoholic.

Nikki, I'm sorry but you're really very wrong.  Most alcoholics don't drink to get drunk.  Most have no intentions of getting drunk.    Especially at the beginning of a relapse when they're just having "a few beers" or "a weak margarita".  I hope that you will encourage your mom to go back on her program or whatever she used to help her get sober, or at least don't encourage her to drink.  It would be the very most loving thing you could do.   I'm not trying to be critical or judgmental.....I just think you're misguided in thinking she could handle it, because she can't. 
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 10/30/2009 6:02 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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 Bad idea?
YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.
Valentine Bride is 100% right.
Honey, I really think you should go to an Al-Anon meeting (there are tons of them and they're easy to find, just google it). Learn a little about his disease and WHY it would be such a bad idea for him to have even a "sip" of champage. 11 years of sobriety is a huge accomplishment and probably a large part of the reason why he is able to be in a healthy, committed relationship. A sip of champagne will ruin everything-it's not worth it.
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." -John Lennon
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/3/2009 7:12 AM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 This is a HORRIBLE idea.  Please make sure he has a non alcoholic drink for the toasts.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/3/2009 9:23 AM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 I've been in plenty of weddings where there was a non-alcoholic toast.  I truly think this would be the best option for you guys.  Heck, at the weddings I've been in (including my own) where there was sparkling cider instead of champagne, it was simply because we didn't care for the taste of alcohol.  When you're talking a recovering alcoholic, I would never ever risk sobriety even with a tiny sip.  Non-alcoholic is the best way to go and no one will even know except you guys.  Or if you have a non-alcoholic reception, I can't tell you how many people I know who LOVE the taste of sparkling grape juice.  Plus then no one has to worry about driving home drunk.

Nikki :D
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/3/2009 9:32 AM CST on weddingchannel.com
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I agree with the PP's - a sip of champagne isn't worth it. Is not drinking alcohol going to make the toast any less sincere or meaningful? No. Just skip the champagne.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/3/2009 1:56 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 May I suggest an alternative?

Martinelli's Sparkling Apple Cider =)

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart."

~ Mrs K ~
 ~ March 21st 2009 ~
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/3/2009 2:20 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 Don't even take the risk!!! Absolutly NOT!!!  I worked in a program and I saw what the effects of 'just a sip' could be.  As PP's mentioned- he should talk to his sponsor.  Good luck!
Mrs. Jean Flores
October 25, 2009
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/6/2009 2:51 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 NO ALCOHOL FOR HIM!!!  You don't have to have a completely dry reception, but he should know better.  Calling his sponsor is a great idea.
Counting down to 4/3/10!
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/7/2009 2:56 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 Champagne is not so tasty that it's worth trying 11 years of sobriety on it.

I think you can drink in moderation after drying out, everyone's different, but many alcoholics really cannot stop at one sip so it's nothing to brush aside lightly. Your wedding is not the time to find out whether he can handle that sip or not.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/9/2009 6:47 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 Sounds like a big risk to me.  I wouldn't take it.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/9/2009 9:33 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 In Response to Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?:
My boyfriend was/is an alcoholic when he was in his early twenties. (I say "is" because they say 'once' an alcoholic, always an alcoholic") We met five years ago, so this was before I even knew him. He's been sober for 11 years now, and we're very happy. He's been contmeplating having a sip of champagne at our wedding during the toast. Would this be a bad idea?
Posted by Carolyn0909


Absolutely NOT.

Is he in the program and/or under the care of a drug and alcohol counselor? My guess is that he is not, judging from your post.

In which case he is what Alcoholics Anonymous calls "a dry drunk." This is an alcoholic that has "quit" or "gone on the wagon" without the care of AA and/or a drug and alcohol counselor. In other words, he is not in recover and I believe he is still considered to be an active alcoholic.

I'd make AA a MUST and make your marriage contingent upon his joining AA and getting a sponsor -- or signing on with an alcohol/drug counselor.

I also strongly suggest AlAnon for you.
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/10/2009 2:10 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 My husband to be is a recovering alcaholic.  We are not having a dry reception but we also are going to be sure to have plenty of non alcahol drinks available. 
By the time we get married he will have 2 1/2 years sobriety and he is not about to risk that with a "sip" at the toast.  Without sobriety (thanks to AA) and my growth threw Al-Anon, we would not be getting married so why risk the marage?
And this "drinking in moderation" everyone is talking about is a bunch of bologna!  They may start out drinking in moderation after a time at sobriety but it will, someday, turn back into the drinking habbits that the alcoholic had before they stopped drinking. 
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Re: Groom was alcholic--can he drink at toast?

posted at 11/10/2009 3:10 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 My thought: No way jose!!! Why throw away all that hard work to get sober? It's not worth it.

Sparking cider is yummy. I have been told over and over and over in this wedding planning stuff. You're in the spotlight. It's you two.  Take advantage of that.  Order a cider for him, if he doesn't want to be the only one, order a cider for yourself.
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