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My fiance and I do not want his 18 year old sister's jerky boyfriend at the wedding. She accepted to be in our wedding a year ago when we got engaged (which means she gets a date) but now that she has this new boyfriend who is very rude, has split the family and on top of that has a criminal background. My fiance and I will not allow him there so now she and the other younger sister are refusing to be apart of the wedding. To make it worse, my fiance's mother and members of her family (his parents are divorced) are saying they might not come anymore because what we are doing in "not christian." We would be devestated if part of his family did not come and support us, especially his mother and sisters. Should we give in?! Did I mentioned the sisters are 18 and 16. Come on!!!!
Is it really worth causing a whole slew of family drama?And for the record, it will be the "happiest day of your life" whether or not this guy is there. Why let one person ruin your day? And lltlj - you are right when you say you don't need to please everyone all the time. But there is a time to pick your battles, and ask yourself if choosing this one to be a battle is really wise.
Added to that, when you tell someone they can bring a date, you don't get to dictate to that person who that date can be. Did you send out invitations to those who are allowed to bring dates saying Ms. Lee and guest (except John Doe)? It's really not your choice if you tell someone they are allowed a +1.
Frankly, you are being as stubborn and ridiculous as his "christian" family to let this one person get in the way.
YOU are the one who determines how happy you are on your wedding day, and this guy will only put a damper on it if you let him.
So don't let him. You can't control who your FSIL dates or who she brings. And it's very presumptions to think you can.
I don't really have any guidance, since this is a decision you have to make all by yourself. Just some things to consider:Part of being a grown-up is that you have to accept that you don't get to choose your family and, by extension, their significant others. If you want to exclude a big chunk of your future family because of one person, that's on you. Both sides are being stubborn and you have the option to take the high road.
Sibling relationships are messy and divorce can make them even messier, so this may be about a whole lot more than the boyfriend. Just out of curiousity, how much older is your fiance than his sisters? I assume the age difference must be significant. You don't gain oodles and oodles of maturity by being a year or two older, yet you seem very disdainful of the fact that the sisters are 16 and 18. Not to mention that this is exactly what teenage girls do and you're risking lifelong strained relationships with them by engaging in their antics.If this guy is really a deadbeat, the girl will figure it out sooner or later and forgive you and your future husband for trying to help her. But it might turn out that he is misunderstood and she will never forgive you. If that's a risk you both are willing to take, stick to your guns.
It sounds like you are going to do what you want anyway, so just think about this.Is it worth not having the mother and 2 sisters show up over this? You are the only person who can answer that question for yourself. I dated some pretty crappy guys myself when I was her age. I would have thrown a fit and probably put up with him longer, if I was told by someone else I couldn't date him or bring him to a family function. IMHO if you told her she could bring a date, that date is not someone you get to choose.If you do decide not to allow him there, which would be your and your FH's choice, then you are just going to have to deal with the ensuing drama. If it causes a rift between you and those other women, then know that that is on you and not this other guy.You're treating her like a child, not like a sister. If I were her, I would be insulted.
I just don't think this should be such a big deal. If she wants to date a guy who's controlling and obviously a huge jerk then it's her problem. If you think he'll cause a scene have someone keep an eye on him. If he's simply a jerk and will not cause a scene then forget about him. This girl will hopefully come to her senses and dump him in due time.It's nice to join a family and have a harmonious relationship.
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