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Sister stealing my spotlight
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Sister stealing my spotlight
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I just found out my older sister is engaged, i should be happy but it is only two months after i got engaged and i feel a bit like she is taking the attention away from my engagement. To make it wore
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Sister stealing my spotlight
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I just found out my older sister is engaged, i should be happy but it is only two months after i got engaged and i feel a bit like she is taking the attention away from my engagement. To make it wore
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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Wedding Drama > Sister stealing my spotlight

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Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/28/2009 5:34 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I just found out my older sister is engaged, i should be happy but it is only two months after i got engaged and i feel a bit like she is taking the attention away from my engagement. To make it wore she just asked me if i would mind if  she got married before me and only about a month before my wedding day. How do i tell her i think its incredibly rude i would be crushed if she did that. She hates it when i do things before her like buying a house before her and getting engaged before her. Im not just over reacting am i?

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/28/2009 6:20 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Perhaps over reacting just a tad. As girls, we tend to put these imaginary limits and rules in our heads and onto other girls regarding an "appropriate" time for their happiness to begin. Setting a date is a very personal thing for a bride and groom, and I"m sure she doesn't want to do it to just piss you off.... right?? Perhaps I'm wrong, bc I dont' know the full story. 

I have a similar issue though, because my sister got engaged one month after me, and I'm completely STOKED for her! Just remember, no matter how close the weddings are to each other, they are also very personal. On that day, it's about YOU and nobody else. People's excitment about an engagment lasts only about a month or so, so it's not like she's completely taking all the attention away. I had all these thoughts too when my sis got engaged... "What about me?" right?? Well, trust me, those feelings go away... just be happy for her as she is for you. It will all work out! It always does :)

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/29/2009 11:23 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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JoceA, I'm sorry that you feel that way, and I can understand it, but you need to get past it.    Unfortunately, you don't get to claim a month, season, or year as yours -- just the day.

As far as the wedding dates being within a month, it would only be an issue if:
 
1.  Your parents are going to pay for both weddings, so that having them at the same time would be too much for them, and/or
2.  a lot of your relatives would have to TRAVEL to both of your weddings so that it would be a financial strain for them to attend both.    If they are mostly local and/or only one wedding is out of the area, then it really shouldn't be an issue.

If these items are potential problems, then you need to talk to your sister and parents and reach a decision.  

(Have you booked your church and venue already?  I assume she hasn't.  Your concerns might be a moot point.) 

I am sympathetic.  If it happened to me, I would be upset.  But, I would make myself get over it because it really is not reasonable. 

I'm afraid that a lot of other posters may be more vocal, but you don't sound bridezilla about it -- just sad and disappointed.  I don't blame you. 

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/29/2009 12:08 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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It sounds like your sister constantly wants to one up you and I can understand being frustrated by that and feeling like you are constantly in her shadow.

However you don't get the entire year for your wedding.  Unfortunately it would make you look bad to tell her she is being rude.  Not b/c you ARE rude, your feelings are valid, but that is how it is going to look to your sister and others on the outside.

Look at it this way, with your sister's wedding being done the rest of the time leading up to your wedding will be all for you!  You'll have your very own limelight b/c there will be no limelight for her to steal after her wedding is over. 

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/29/2009 3:07 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Hi JoceA,

I am in a similar situation as you - I got engaged on Mar 6, and my sister got engaged a week after our engagement party in May. She is younger than I - she got engaged at 24 and I am 27. We set our date for Aug 7, 2010 and she set hers for Feb 20 2010.

OMG, everyone I know has asked me if I was okay with that - and you know what? I am. She's my sister, after all - and we're both each other's maids of honour (although I guess then she'd be my matron of honour?). We went dress shopping together (mom took pics!). We are helping each other and even booked the photog/videographer together for a perdy good discount!

So yeah, I could see how it might upset you, but at the end of the day, you're sisters. Even if she DOES want to do stuff first, I'd just smile and not stoop down to her level :)

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 9:40 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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You know, I watched the new episode of "Whose Wedding is it Anyway" and it was about 2 sisters that are completely different, that got engaged a few months apart, and to save their parents on money they planned a double wedding. Oh man was that not the right way to go....

I think with sisters, especially depending on how close in age they are, there is always going to be a little bit of competitiveness. At some point you both have to realize that it's about each of your special DAYs and not about the p!ssing contest. I can undestand why it would upset you, but you can't blame her FI for when he chooses to propose. Maybe she does want to get married before you out of spite, but either way her moment will be done and over with and you will still have yours to come.

Just try to be happy for her, like you would expect her to be for you. And remember that, at the end of the day, this about you and your FI and not about you and your sister.

It may be really fun and a great bonding experience for you two to share this together. You can do your shopping together and have someone else to sympathize with and bounce ideas off of. I think you should try to look at the up-side of all of this and just try to let the rest go. Be the bigger person.

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 3:12 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Did your sister propose to her (now) fiance? How can you be upset with you for getting engaged so close after you when it was probably the BF who proposed?

No point in getting upset with her unless she is purposely rubbing it in your face. We all want the perfect wedding date. Be happy for eachother.

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 3:15 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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You mentioned that she hates it that you bought a house and got engaged first and you are the younger sister, so it's likely that your sister has been the one taking the back seat most of the time.  Nevertheless, I certainly understand that you are upset and you can't help how you feel no matter how anyone says you should feel.  I would recommend being really honest with your sister to see if the two of you can work something out from there.  I also agree with everyone about making sure that people who have to travel and pay for things (parents?) are okay with the close weddings as well.  Good luck and best wishes for YOUR big day!

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 3:41 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I TOTALLY feel your pain!  This is one of those situations that you have to be in to understand...and I'm in it!  I'm the younger sister and got engaged back in January after dating my fiance for 2 years.  My sister then got engaged this past summer (on my birthday) after dating for only one year.  Now they are getting married at the same place as us just 4 months after.  I'm not going to lie, its a tough thing to deal with, especially if you have competitive personalities.  On one hand I am soooooo happy for her!, but on the other I'm annoyed that she's intruding on my finace and I's special time.  My whole life I've imagined us helping each other plan our weddings, but its just not possible with them so close because we get competitive.  While we are sisters and will always be best friends, its put a temporary rift in our relationship.  My best advice, and what I've learned over the past 4 months, is to be happy for her and just ignore what she does.  Plan your wedding like you're the only one getting married!  Be there for her of course when you need to be, but don't let her wedding intrude on yours.  I'm sure that like me, you wish you could devote 100% to her wedding and then 100% to yours, but you'll drive yourself crazy attempting that.  Don't let her selfishness get to you and just be a good sister.  I've been told that when it comes to the big day it won't matter, so try to remember that...i know its my mantra!  Good luck!!!!!

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 4:04 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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In Response to Sister stealing my spotlight:
I just found out my older sister is engaged, i should be happy but it is only two months after i got engaged and i feel a bit like she is taking the attention away from my engagement. To make it wore she just asked me if i would mind if  she got married before me and only about a month before my wedding day. How do i tell her i think its incredibly rude i would be crushed if she did that. She hates it when i do things before her like buying a house before her and getting engaged before her. Im not just over reacting am i?
Posted by JoceA

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 5:15 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I know exactly how you feel. I got engaged in February and had my date picked even before we were engaged. My brother just got engaged less than a month ago and is now getting married 6 weeks before me!! I was so upset over it.. I still am but I am trying to keep it inside because it wont fix anything and will just cause friction in our family. On top of it all my brother threw a fit to my parents because he wasn't a groomsmen in my wedding so we put him in and now I'm not even in his wedding!! Sorry to vent but I know how you feel. At least your sister is asking you. You have every right to be upset and no one really understands what it feels like unless it happenns to them!! Try and keep you head up and just make your wedding so much better than hers!! :)

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 5:31 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I completely hear where you are coming from! My older sister is not even engaged yet but ever since I got engaged in March, she will not stop talking about 'when she gets married'!  I don't want to be a bridezilla but REALLY!!! At the engagement party she was talking to guests about her wedding - again, she's not engaged!  I would not be surprised if she got engaged before my wedding and got married the same month as me. Like you, I would be REALLY annoyed! 
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone!

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 6:05 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I have a jealous cousin like that she feel like if she cannot be my made of honor she dont wanna participate in my wedding she want to be the center of attention and I have my one and only sister and we are just deciding not to include her if she keeps on acting like that

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 7:29 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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Take a step back with a deep breath - like everyone else has stated the day is yours.  Is it upsetting absolutely, but at the end of the day its not about the who or what, its about two people becoming one and a new life with new dreams.  Remember, its not the place of a wedding, who's there, what you're having etc its two hearts becoming one.  don't let anyone or anything stand between the Meaning of a marriage.    Hey, look at me, i'm 46 and waited forever for my knight in shining armor (i always tell him that the horse must have been so old he had to walk all the way), LOL, anyway all my life i've been there for my family, saw two nephews get married before me - so here i am, after all these years thinking finally my time....know what? my nephew and his wife are having a baby, my other nephew got married, my nieces are making confirmation, a communion, a 50th anniversary, and a 40th anniversary - could anything else transpire - unfortunately yes.... but things happen.  i was upset & frustrated but that's life, and i'm making the most of my wedding plans... every bride is beautiful in her own way and her day is her day!!!  she is your sister and you would know her better, but even if she planned this on purpose - who cares, beauty comes from within!!!  enjoy your day and don't let anything or anyone ruin it, it's all in your control....

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 8:05 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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     There is plenty of attention to go around, and it would be awful to let on that you feel your sister should not be happy about getting engaged or married at the times she and her fiance chose.

     Although a few people may choose when they get married around an arbitrary date, like scheduling a  party,  most plan marriages  taking into account a host of things:   when they feel they will be emotionally ready to make the changes that go with marriage,  busy and slack times at work  or in school programs,  when financial goals have been met or wedding expenses can be managed, how long an engagement period they want overall, and the schedules of numerous family and friends of the bride and groom.
  
      Your sister did not choose these times by herself.  She was right to consider her fiance,  and their wants/needs as a couple,  before anyone else's plans.
    
     Try to be happy for her,  and also to enjoy your own engagement time and wedding planning.
    This is it - the time when both you and your sister put your relationships with your future husbands before individual and less mature things, like unwillingness to share attention with a sibling.
That is what getting married is all about. 
     Have a great wedding!

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 9:38 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I know how you feel.  The same thing is happening with my future brother-in-law and my future husband.
The problem started when we got engaged. We rushed around and booked everything right away, I basically knew what I wanted. My future brother-in-law found out that we were getting engaged and went out that day and bought a ring for his girlfriend. Then told the family that he was planning to get engaged before we even were able to get it out that we were engaged. Then he got engaged 6 months after us. They just planned their wedding for 3 months after ours and I just found out that my future husbands sister-in-law is in their wedding party and I am not. It is a complete WEDDING WAR between the brothers and I am so confused with all that is going on that I am sick to my stomach every day with this. 

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 9:49 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I am having sister drama too, but not because of another engagement... I am 33, my sister is 32, and she got married 9 years ago, BUT she just got divorced this past summer, less than a month before I got engaged.  There's a lot of emotions going on, she's having a very hard time being around love or happiness right now.  She went from being my Maid of Honor, to not speaking to anyone in the family, and now back to talking and trying to be supportive, but it's already the 2nd time she has bailed from my wedding party.  It's hurtful, but I think I just have to accept that she needs time away from "happy" and plan my wedding without her.  Sad, because I think we will both regret it years from now. I was happy when my little sister got married all those years ago, even though I was admittedly a bit jealous b/c I was the older sister... but after waiting (lots and lots of waiting) I have finally found my someone.  I guess I'm just sad that she isn't capable of swallowing her sadness and joining in my happiness right now.

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/30/2009 10:07 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I agree with Chardriller, the biggest roadblocks are if it is going to put a huge financial strain on the contributors.  But these kinds of thing happen all the time!

My mom has three siblings, and they all got married within about 15 months of eachother, had kids around the same time, and generally followed a similar timeline.
My parents were the odd-balls: I was 8 when her siblings started getting married.

There are a lot of benefits too.  You can shop together, buy things in even more bulk (people aren't going to notice if you have the same kind of chocolate for favors), and maybe get discounts on bridemaid dresses and tux rentals!

I would say to at least talk it over with your sister, and try to look at the bright side instead of just the frustration.  I'm sure I put my sister in the same position... I'm 2 years younger, but I grew up faster.  So people think she's 2 years younger than me. 
But you'll have someone to sympathsize with, share ideas with, and - if you're a DIYer like me - do projects with.

I can say I've also (sort of) been in your position.  My FH and I have been together for 5 years, and one of our best friends got married over the summer.  They met 3 years ago.  So I was frustrated when they got engaged and married before we did, but in the end they are happy togehter.  And that's what really counts.

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/31/2009 12:23 AM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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JoceA, I completely agree with your feelings........My soon to be sister in law got engaged a few months before me & I decided to have my wedding the year after hers out of respect for her. Then my cousin got engaged a few months after I did & she too, decided to get married the year after I do to give me the time to enjoy the spotlight as well.

At my soon to be sister's shower & wedding, numerous people asked about my wedding & I felt bad discussing any details (I was reluctant to even show them my ring!) because I felt like I was crowding in on her big day.

Maybe I'm just naive but I think evey bride deserves her time & your sister trying to "beat you to the punch" is petty & selfish. Not to mention if your parents are paying for both weddings, that will be a huge hit to their wallets.

Honesetly, if you haven't already booked anything, let her have the 1st wedding.........it will be over quicker than you realize & you can plan your own without worrying about anybody butting it (also, keep any unique wedding ideas to yourself!!!)

Mrs.Stine 10/10/10

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 10/31/2009 10:02 PM CDT on weddingchannel.com
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I know your feeling when I got engaged (10/4/08) a year ago and set my date I was the only one in the family even thinking about getting married by Christmas time, my cousin decided he was thinking about getting engaged.  By April they got engaged and by July they got married.  I was a little mad because now all i keep hearing is how they have so much advice to give me.  To make it worse my soon to be sister-in-law is trying to take the spot light from me.  She is not even dating anyone but decided she is going to start planning her wedding.  She has already bought her dress and is telling me how everything i'm planning isn't right and that when she gets married it will be nothing like that.  I am getting irrated because it seems like her imaginary wedding is more important than my family trying to help me get mine together which is going to be in July 3, 2010.  So i understand the frustration.  I wouldn't let it get to you though.  It's not worth it and either way your day will still be special!

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/1/2009 5:44 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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The exact same thing happened to me! I got engaged last january, and she the following march. I am still having a hard time getting over it. Not because of the date, but because she insists on rubbing in how much more money she has to spend on her wedding, mind you she is my older sister who is an accountant and i am still in school. we planned a couple of things together, like look at flowers and talk to caterers and photographers. But when i tell her i cannot go on a certain date she throws a fit and says her wedding is first and it is more important blah blah blah. When we went to look at flowers it was supposed to be just me and her. Come to find out she invited some of her friends to go along. The whole time we were there i helped her and her friends pick out flowers for her wedding which was the plan... but eventually her friends pushed me out and threw out all my ideas.... this is when i learned one of her friends was already planning MY SITERS wedding shower and was told she just wants me to serve the food at the shower. she never even asked my opionion on anything.... and this is when i learned that she will also be standing in front of me at my sisters wedding! i dont have the heart to tell my sister what she is doing to me, but before she was engaged she threw a big fit about my plans for my wedding because i wanted to have her beside me but also have my best friend give a speech at my wedding reception. I still just dont know what to do but it is really starting to strain our relationship, and this is something i dont want to happen. but it is my fault because i have kept my mouth shut and not said a word  to her about how she is making me feel. so i understand what you are going through and i think if you sit down with her and have an adult conversation with each other you will find that that works better than keeping your mouth shut if this is really upsetting you, keeping your mouth shut could drive a wedge between you and i wish i would have opened my mouth a little sooner so that my sister would be more conscience of her actions and think before she says some things that she says. She ended up taking a lot of my ideas for my own wedding after i tell her what i want to do she decided to have the reception where i am having mine and she also decided to have the same wedding colors..... so i am finding myself changing everything about my wedding and it is so stressful to think i cant talk to my own sister about my wedding.... she is supposed to be my go to girl and i have tried to do just that for her but idk how much more i can take.... i really regret not talking to her about it.

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/1/2009 7:44 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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Maybe it's just me, it did take over 8 years for us to get engaged, but i can't help but feel like the more the merrier!

I just....I don't know, we're in love, we're happy, we're getting married...YAY! Love all around and what not. I was super syked to find someone getting married the day before me on this website. I'm not mad or jealous cause she's "stealing my website wedding thunder". I'm just happy for everyone. If you get a chance to experience love and happiness like i do, good for you.

I would just think being on here with a bunch of strangers and not even being concerned that some are getting married as we speak, in a week, next year a day before you, etc, then why would you care MORE when it's a family member or close friend that you actuallyknow and love?  

I just say let it go. Be happy that your sister found someone to love that hopefully makes her as happy as your FI makes you and move on. Stop worrying about how someone elses life and actions affect you, because they really don't unless you allow it, and be happy for you.

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/2/2009 12:15 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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i know some of how you feel. my sister is older and is getting divorced. it has been a long time coming but, she waited until two months before my wedding to file the paperwork. now she wants all the attention and does not seem to like the fact that i am happy and that family and friends are helping us to plan and pay for our special day. this has been everything in our lives she is jealous of everything i have and is always trying to be in the limelight when something good is happening for me and my fiance.  she even ruined our sons baptism b/c she was having an arguement with her soon to be ex.

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/2/2009 1:16 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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 I'm sorry you feel that way about you sister's happiness. I do agree with alot of the responses. The newly engagement excitement only last for a while and then reality sits in. So be happy for her because the both pf you need support from one another at some point in time.
  I too have a sister who got engaged a month after me and i was glad that she looked at my relationship and wanted the same happiness for herself. Dont be a hatter be a congratulator. Good luck

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/3/2009 11:30 AM CST on weddingchannel.com
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So let me get this straight:

Once you get engaged, none of your close friends, cousins, or siblings can get engaged until after your wedding.  Also, once you have chosen your wedding date, no one can get married before you do. 

You are all nutty! 

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/3/2009 12:19 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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Geez, I can't bring myself to read all of these posts. Cosmo, it just isn't about the engagement anymore, now you can't even file for a divorce too close to the wedding!

Gee, I'm sorry that MY LIFE is happening at the same time as yours. Obviously, when it comes to some of these brides, they are the most important thing put down on this earth, and heaven forbid anyone steal one bit of their spotlight.

Wow, I'm having a baby a month before my cousin's wedding. How dare I intrude on their day? What if people ask me about him at the wedding? Should I ignore them b/c it's rude to say a thing about myself at someone's wedding?  I guess I should have considered that when having sex with my husband. LOL.


Hormonal or not, some of these posts just set me off.

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/3/2009 1:41 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
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First: 7/25/2009

Last: 11/12/2009


I do understand how you feel.  My fiance's sister got engaged a couple months after we did and is getting married two months before us.  I was upset at first.  Partly because I felt like I was losing the "spotlight" but mostly because I felt that the wedding planning was a good way for me to bond with his family.  With her wedding before mine, I was afraid they would be so focused on hers and not want to be involved with mine.  But, as it turns out, it was a really good thing.  It had the same effect that I was afraid it would take away from.  Becuase we are going through the same process at the same time, we are using each other for ideas and support and it has been great for our relationship.  She is one of my bridesmaids, and even though she's got her own stuff going on, she has been really excited to go try on dresses and she has gone to a couple fittings for my own dress with me.  She has even been way more supportive than my own sister (MOH).  We are both really excited for each other.  Our weddings are pretty similar in style and such, but will both be unique and special in their own way.  I think it was really beneficial for us to go through the plannning together, we became friends, instead of just in-laws.  I should add that we didn't have a "bad" relationship before all of this, we just really didn't spend much time together, didn't know each other very well.  My fiance and I lived in a different city than his family up until 2 years ago, so I am just now developing a close relationship with his family, even though we have been together for 11 years!
Maybe you could use this time to bond with your sister.  Wedding planning is supposed to be fun, you can't let this get you down.  There's nothing you can do about it now.  What's done is done.  Now it's time to make the best of a sticky situation.  I had the same feelings you do, but I am so glad I took the opportunity to make the best of it.  Every situation is different, so I know this isn't the same, but I wish you the best of luck with it.  Congratualtions on your engagement!

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/3/2009 1:52 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
08-03-2009
BALTIMORE
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Posts: 313
First: 8/3/2009

Last: 11/18/2009


I wonder where i can get me one of these imfamous spotlights at?? Home depot? Loews? or are they on a "steal one from someone else" basis only??

I'm gonna get someone to follow me around with all day and night and if someone tries to step in it....even a little bug....i will put my foot up its a@$!

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/3/2009 2:38 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
05-04-2009
PHOENIX
6851769971358580
Posts: 106
First: 9/25/2009

Last: 11/20/2009


This is a ridiculous message board!  Why can't you all be happy for one another and focus on the most important thing- Marring the one you LOVE, and not her wedding is this or that and mine is or isn't.  What is the matter with poeple today??? 
I'm with Cosmo and Misma.
Mrs. Jean Flores
October 25, 2009

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/3/2009 9:18 PM CST on weddingchannel.com
Joined on
07-05-2009
CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA
6613824166580506
Posts: 7
First: 10/7/2009

Last: 11/7/2009


To all of the negative commentors.......maybe you were able to enjoy your planning & big day solo so feel like it's stupid or silly to feel like you should have this to yourself

*or*

maybe you're the person who would get married just to "one up" or "get it done first" so you can't understand what it feels like.

I'm guessing it's the latter


and btw,
misma- it's not about not living your own life, it's about not purposely trying to  overshadow someone your supposed to care about because you can't stand not being the center of attention
shelle- "the spotlight" is a figure of speech. You seem highly articulate, assumed you would get that
jdullo- I love when people comment on how ridiculous a topic is. Is so ridiculous that some invisible force is making you not only read it but comment on it too????? Wow, the paranormal never ceases to amaze me. 

Mrs.Stine 10/10/10

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