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Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ec

Sister stealing my spotlight

Wedding Drama

Sister stealing my spotlight

<font color="#ffffff">Your future mother-in-law said what?! Got a sticky situation? Get advice on friends, family, and more!</font>

I just found out my older sister is engaged, i should be happy but it is only two months after i got engaged and i feel a bit like she is taking the attention away from my engagement. To make it wore

True

Wedding Drama

Sister stealing my spotlight

<font color="#ffffff">Your future mother-in-law said what?! Got a sticky situation? Get advice on friends, family, and more!</font>

I just found out my older sister is engaged, i should be happy but it is only two months after i got engaged and i feel a bit like she is taking the attention away from my engagement. To make it wore

Cat:336d8010-1fcd-4410-9356-c39e985527ecForum:8b0ecf40-d82c-4dd4-a709-f775574bfa5c

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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Wedding Drama > Sister stealing my spotlight

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Forums > General Wedding Planning Topics > Wedding Drama > Sister stealing my spotlight

Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/3/2009 10:16 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

WAG2010

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I understand how you are feeling, because my cousin did that to me. My fiance and I announced our engagement on July 4th, then that next weekend my cousin told everyone that her and her boyfriend were engaged also. They said that they wanted to get married April 16th, 2010. My fiance finally set our date and annouced it as October 2nd (we didn't specify that we meant of 2010). It wasn't two days later that my cousin called everyone in my family and told them that they were moving up their wedding to September 19th, 2009. She later told my other cousin that she moved it up, because she is the oldest cousin, so she deserves to be the first of all of us to get married. I was frustrated that she could act so selfishly, but then again because she misinterpreted what we said I now have a year before my wedding that can just be focused on our planning and not rush to it like she did. So just try to think of the time you will have to focus on YOU, after she rushes through it.

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/4/2009 7:22 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

misma09

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In Response to Re: Sister stealing my spotlight:

Purposely trying to overshadow is one thing. In fact, in WAG's post, when her cousin moved up her wedding "just to be first" - that really caddy.

However, I'm sure the sister who is getting divorced purposely decided to get her divorce to upset her sister. And some of these other posts where the other bride makes plans to get married while one is engaged.

My cousin has been engaged to his FW for 2.5 years now, and will be married this coming June. I got engaged last March, and was married in August of this past year. Was I supposed to put my life on hold b/c they were engaged before me? I have never wanted a long engagement, and was not about to wait over a year, nor did it cross my mind to do so.

Added to that, they were waiting until they finished college to get married. I am 26, DH is 35, we had nothing we wanted to wait for.

What ticks me off are the people who think the whole world revolves around them for the entire time they are engaged and/or the whole year surrounding their wedding.

Yes, you have the occasional petty person who "has" to be the first to get married and one up you.

But to get upset just b/c someone else is getting married first is just beyond ridiculous.

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/4/2009 8:06 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

Ariel81916

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And, by the way, paranormal means "of or pertaining to the claimed occurrence of an event or perception without scientific explanation, as psychokinesis, extrasensory perception, or other purportedly supernatural phenomena." The "scientific explanation" in this case is that Shelle has been reading these message boards and commenting for quite a while. So naturally, she reads the new posts and has an opinion that she shared. SHOCKING, I know, that one would give an OPINION on a MESSAGE BOARD that one reads regularly. But paranormal or supernatural? I think not.

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/4/2009 9:34 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

cosmogirl

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Last: 11/20/2009

To all of the negative commentors.......maybe you were able to enjoy your planning & big day solo so feel like it's stupid or silly to feel like you should have this to yourself

Um, no. I "enjoyed my planning solo" while taking care of my dying mother.

I was really upset when her funeral took the attention away from me and our upcoming wedding.

There were also babies born, friends graduating, weddings, showers, and other funerals. In other words -- life! It goes on while you're planning your wedding. The sooner you get that, the happier you will all be.

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/4/2009 10:49 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

shelle1214

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In Response to Re: Sister stealing my spotlight:

To all of the negative commentors.......maybe you were able to enjoy your planning & big day solo so feel like it's stupid or silly to feel like you should have this to yourself

*or*

maybe you're the person who would get married just to "one up" or "get it done first" so you can't understand what it feels like. I'm guessing it's the latter

OR

maybe we could just not be caddy princesses who feel entitled to an entire month or year of special treatment just because we're getting married....hmmm....

and btw, misma- it's not about not living your own life, it's about not purposely trying to overshadow someone your supposed to care about because you can't stand not being the center of attention

Those types of people only win when you allow them to get under your skin....people are going to be who they are and live their own life the way they choose. No one can change that. So your left with 2 options 1. grow up, get over it, and try not to care or sink to their level. or 2. be a whiney brat and let it ruin your wedding experience. So sorry if we choose to not let it get to us and others CHOOSE TO LET IT get to them.

shelle- "the spotlight" is a figure of speech. You seem highly articulate, assumed you would get that

When you assume you make an a$$ out of u and me....and i don't appreciate someone making me an a$$. Be one on your own, thanks.

Oh and btw..."sarcasm" is an actual word...but i don't need to make any assumptions about your intelligence....

jdullo- I love when people comment on how ridiculous a topic is. Is so ridiculous that some invisible force is making you not only read it but comment on it too????? Wow, the paranormal never ceases to amaze me.

I like the paranormal too. I like to watch Ghost Hunters. You should check that show out. Oh I'm sorry, I forgot we're forbidden from voicing an opinion on a PUBLIC FORUM....my bad, that dang invisible force must of got me....

shhh.....i think it's under my desk....nobody move....

Posted by 570bride

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/4/2009 9:45 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

jdullo218

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Shelle, you always make me laugh!!
570bride- Never make assumptions. You don't know what anyone else has gone through. As was said in Sex and the City:
"You get a day, not a week, just a day," or in this case a month or a year.
This is childish. REALLY.

Mrs. Jean Flores
October 25, 2009

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/5/2009 8:19 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

AuntThelma

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psst - the expression is 'catty' as in 'behaving like a cat' - clawing and back biting.

A 'caddy' is the person who carries your golf clubs for you.

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/5/2009 8:22 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

misma09

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Thanks...sounds stupid but I actually didn't know that. Well, I know what a "caddy" is, but I never thought....nevermind. Thanks.

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/5/2009 8:34 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

Ariel81916

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I think it also got a little confused if you've seen Mean Girls because Lindsey Lohan's character is named "Cady" but they keep pronouncing it like "caddy" because she's acting catty, even though it's supposed to be like "Katie."

And, yep, I just brought Mean Girls into the discussion for a legitimate learning purpose.

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/5/2009 8:41 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

shelle1214

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I did not know that either, but I'm always down for learning something new...thanks aunt thelma :)

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/5/2009 9:05 AM CST on weddingchannel.com

AuntThelma

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you all made me laugh!! LOVE the Cady/Katie explanation!!!

thanks. :)

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/6/2009 1:58 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

efriedrich90024...

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NEW YORK

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Posts: 89

First: 7/15/2009

Last: 11/13/2009

i think what most people need to realize is that 99% of the time, the people you think are slighting you are not even thinking about you!

i know, it's surprising, but it's surprisingly true!

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/7/2009 8:38 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

570bride

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In Response to Re: Sister stealing my spotlight:

You know what I love? When a person posts for, say, the first time and then decides to attack everyone else who has been reading the message boards and posting for, say, more than a day. The fact is that very very few people would purposely try to ruin someone else's wedding day by planning their own wedding. If you want to get upset because you think you own the month/year/season when you chose to plan your wedding, you're out of line. Sorry. It's selfish and petty. You get a day. Maybe a weekend. I'll even concede a month, if the guest lists significantly overlap (i.e., family). That's it. And, by the way, paranormal means "of or pertaining to the claimed occurrence of an event or perception without scientific explanation, as psychokinesis, extrasensory perception, or other purportedly supernatural phenomena." The "scientific explanation" in this case is that Shelle has been reading these message boards and commenting for quite a while. So naturally, she reads the new posts and has an opinion that she shared. SHOCKING, I know, that one would give an OPINION on a MESSAGE BOARD that one reads regularly. But paranormal or supernatural? I think not.
Posted by Ariel81916

I'm so very sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Unfortunetly, I have a job and a family so I am only online as much as my free time permits and can't spend all day watching topics & commenting.

Honestly, I could care less about what anyone on here thinks. I go on this site mostly to get ideas for my own wedding and I sometimes check out the message boards. I comment when I actually have something worthwhile to say & not just randomly comment about how ridiculous a certain topic is.
Hmmm, maybe I should start doing that. Then, when I start "attacking" everyone on a message board, I have the number of posts recorded to make it ok. What exactly is the magic number?

Mrs.Stine 10/10/10

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/7/2009 9:49 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

LizK

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If you really feel she is trying to one-up you, I would keep some details of your wedding- favors, the cake, SOMEthing, secret, so you will have some uniqueness to your wedding-if she's the type of person who would deliberately try to get the spotlight, she may "copy" some of your ideas.

I think it's weird that she would want to get married so fast before you unless there's some other reason we don't know about.

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/10/2009 12:41 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Katlab2009

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Last: 11/10/2009

If you think that you have problems This is how I took care of one. I am getting married on May 29th. My Mom's Birthday is on The 26th and my Maton of Honors birthday is on the 20th of May. For weeks straight My MOH has been hinting I should have a Birthday cake for both her and my Mom AT MY WEDDING RECEPTION. My MOH kept on insisting I should do that, so one day after her not so subtle hints I said "Hmmm maybe after I order the cake I should ask someone else to by my MOH" She took the hint and has never hinted about it again

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/10/2009 2:04 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

misma09

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Katlab, my mother's birthday was the day of my wedding. I had a cake brought out for her at my RD. I knew that the day of would be too crazy to really give her the recognition she deserves, so that's what we came up with. She loved it and was totally surprised.

Why don't you do something like that? I'm sure your MOH and mother have been putting a lot of work into your wedding, so it would be nice to recognize them. Or, since your MOH's birthday is several days before your wedding, why don't you make it a point to celebrate with her?

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/10/2009 4:07 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

ALF72

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Are you sure she's trying to one up you? Unless she proposed to her FI, I think it's a coincidence, not an issue of anyone trying to one up you.

My sister and I got married 11 weeks apart. I got married in late May, she got married in early August. She was engaged for over a year before I got engaged. She moved her original wedding date b/c they both had just graduated from grad school and neither had jobs yet, so it made sense to postpone the wedding. I am 8 years older than my sister and my DH is military. There was no way I was waiting to get married until after she finally set a date [she set the date she and her DH did get married on after my DH and I had contacted the church to select our date].

I did call my sister and ask her if she minded if I got married before she did. She laughed at me and said of course not. We ended up getting married in the same church [hometown] AND in the same venue. We both had smaller weddings [100 or so people] and there weren't that many places around our hometown that could accommodate that size. They catered to either under 50 or over 150. I found the venue. She loved it too and asked if I minded if she had her wedding there too. I then laughed at her. I gave her all my info about my photographer, band, etc. She ended up finding those vendors on her own [my mom and I think my sister still wish she had used my photographer b/c the one Sis used turned out to be not as good as mine].

My sister and I had the exact same guest list for our side of the family. You know what? Everyone commented how great and unique both weddings were. My sister and I have radically different tastes. Even if you share info w/ your sister, your own tastes will still shine through at your reception. Dont sweat it. Your day will be great.

BTW, Aunt Thelma, THANK YOU for pointing out the caddy/catty difference. That was driving me nuts. :-)

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Re: Sister stealing my spotlight

posted at 11/10/2009 6:09 PM CST on weddingchannel.com

Lorie0322

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I understand that sometimes a person might try to upstage an event. There are mean people out there.

One of our guests birthday was the day of the wedding, I got birthday blowers for her table and we had another family event the weekend before our wedding. I didn't think twice about it. Our wedding day was about us. That's all we got, one day for it to be all about us.

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